Love vs Sex 210

There have been four women in my life that I was fortunate enough to love beyond even the slightest doubt. I knew I loved them all, almost instantaneously. It was that obvious, that simple, that true, that alive, that undeniable in effect, upon every breath and heartbeat of my simple existence. I still love them all, love them beyond reprieve, beyond question, beyond doubt. The ever changing and ever renewable present may always alter such perceptions and beliefs, which emerge and extend from the past, but I think it highly improbable that my profound love for these exquisite creatures will ever be extinguished or bastardized or regretted in any kind of significant degree by alterations in their quintessential essence. That doesn’t mean that any of them are perfect or even close to flawlessness. It doesn’t mean that they haven’t wounded me mortally in the past, and that I now somehow believe such occurring again, beyond the realm of possibilities in the future. It simply means that despite whatever demons, whatever disease, whatever imperfections, whatever fears, whatever, whatever, whatever, that they all possess (possessed) such an inner light and glow and tenderness and yearning for love that I believe no darkness may ever completely overtake them and their stubborn, if imperfect and skeptical, hope.

I wonder if they are better without me, than with. I wonder if I hurt them more than I healed them. I wonder if somehow they could possibly rewrite and deny the purity, the effort, and the intensity of my intentions, of my love, of my entire existence, in regards to forming a Union with them of the highest transcending grace.

I wonder who they lay with now. Are they held tighter? More gently? More tenderly? More respectfully? Are they strengthened more by their current lovers approach than they were with mine? Are the kisses sweater? Are the laughs of greater compulsion and joy? Does the one who currently keeps their company even truly know the real inner beauty and uniqueness of each of these creatures of Faye?

I can only wish them all even greater love and Union than what we were able to obtain together during the precious moments we shared.

Cribb          2016

Love vs Sex 209

If you were trying to talk to someone, trying to engage them in any kind of a meaningful conversation, you would expect them to make and maintain eye contact with you throughout the experience. That expectation is a normal cultural assumption, but it is also a visceral behavioral response that goes far beyond words in meaning. Establishing and maintaining direct eye contact (without the challenge of a dominant glare or staring) is behavioral verification of respect for another entity, or another person in terms of the human realm. If you were trying to converse with another person, and they deliberately went out of their way to not look at you or they even passively refused to look at you, as they continued to talk to you, over any period of extended time, your correct perception would be that of their disrespect, apathy, and/or avoidance. It is quite easy to see and understand the inherent behavioral truth in such a display of action.

The same applies, just as directly and profoundly, to having sex or making love.

Cribb          2016

Love vs Sex 208 (#30 on Tantric Sex)

For instance, you need to be aware of your tendency to project your own emotions and issues onto others, and to have developed ways of staying with whatever is going on—even when things get tough. Whether you’re crying, angry, fearful or blaming, all these emotions are your own. In order to get through them she suggests that you stay with them, rather than running away from them. It’s a challenge to take responsibility for your own emotions and not to feel either victimized or blaming about anything that comes up. Otherwise, you will end up constantly fighting with and blaming your partner as you attempt Tantric practices together. Tantric techniques can enable you to get to a point where you can treat emotions as pure energy, rather than anything real.

Instead, you can learn to concentrate on feelings and sensations. Emotions are our ego response to the things that happen to us, while our feelings are our sensory experience of the things that are happening to us. Feelings are very much to do with the present, while emotions tend to have roots in the past. Instead of sapping your energy because you’re reliving and recreating old emotional traumas, feelings are fresh and energizing. If you feel you’re getting into an emotional tangle, you can do a ‘reality check’ — concentrate on what’s really going on right now with the person in front of you, rather than what you think is going on.

Relaxing back into the sense of contact and connection between you can help more love to come in, and keep you out of defensive or attacking angry mode with your partner.

Tantric Sex

Cassandra Lorius          1999

Love vs Sex 207 (#29 on Tantric Sex)

I was always frightened of Des. He seemed to exude aggression and apparently his pent-up frustration had occasionally erupted in violence in his relationships.

I avoided working with him on my training course, in spite of the Tantric ethos of trying to step beyond personality issues and connect with the essentially divine being in front of you.

One day I found myself sitting cross-legged in front of Des, to do a fire meditation. As we started deep breathing and visualizing flames in our base chakras, I felt put off by the intensity of his labored breathing. Even his breathing seemed aggressive to me.

‘And as Shiva he should  be following my pattern of breathing!’ I thought. I started to withdraw, feeling intimidated by his overbearing presence.

But then the Tantric adage clicked in my head. ‘It’s all just energy.’ While he might sometimes express it as anger or violence, Des was sitting on a powder-keg of energy. And I’m a powerful person too. The way to meet him on an energy level was not to follow my usual inclination to retreat and make myself smaller, but to manifest my own power.

I breathed deeply into my pelvis, allowing the energy in my base chakra to expand, and ignite, using the images of the flames to help me. Eyes closed, I went inside to get in touch with my own power.

Suddenly the flame caught and I could feel the heat building up around my sitting bones. I opened my eyes and looked directly into Des’s eyes as we both breathed together, our energies alive and suddenly dancing together, all fear and holding back gone.

Tantric Sex

Cassandra Lorius          1999

Cribb Comment:

This Tantric passage ties in very well with the conundrum that dominant females may experience when entering into a relationship or even just the orbit of a dominant male (high drive, stable, aware). This dominant male is not to be confused with the pseudo-dominant male aka “bully” (a destabilized Alpha or Beta male) that our culture has falsely come to associate with supposed dominance. The writer illustrates her own dominance glitch in the unspoken power challenge or biphasic recognition, described above, when she admits feeling intimidated and initiates withdrawal, because Des was refusing to “follow” her breathing pattern. The “powder-keg” that Des sits upon, and that the writer finally acknowledges as pure energy, can also be simply referred to as “high drive” within a given individual. Understanding that high drive energy actually prefers other high drive energy, despite the inherent concerns, skepticism, and fear, brought about by such coupling in both parties, is perhaps the most difficult concept and dynamic for dominants (and especially unstable dominants) to understand about one another. Stable energy seeks to be met or matched, not to obliterate, swallow, or deconstruct.

The last sentence of the passage is exceptionally poignant and pithy. It captures the hope,  intimacy, and union, that awaits us all, if only we will open our eyes and our energy to the dismissing of our own vulnerabilities, so that we may dance fearlessly together…..even with someone as dominant as ourselves.

Cribb          2016

Love vs Sex 206 (# 28 on Tantric Sex)

This is my response to a highly relevant comment that a blogger made regarding one of my tantric sex posts.

The point you raise about multiple orgasmic sex vs Tantra and its minimal “orgasmic” approach, has been my most unsettling glitch of contemplation on the subject. To induce (or aid in the induction of) a state of multiple or persistent or rolling orgasmic bliss in a woman, is damn near nirvanic by itself for both partners in sexual union. It sounds like you agree with that point. It might just be my crazed, rewritten, bastardization of Tantra or Neo-Tantra, but my opinion is that it is more about the intent, the awareness, and the energy exchange (draining, neutral, or giving), than orgasmic avoidance per se to trap the sexual energy within the body(ies). In other words, I fully believe that the two are not in conflict or antagonistic with one another, when the energy exchange is giving and bi-catalytic or bi-fissional, the intent is true union, and the awareness titillatingly slips into wrapping and dancing and flowing and ebbing itself, in and around and about, your partner, and the blissful energy of the universe. That approach removes the addictive demon of distraction and unilateral energy drain. I believe with the right lover, though a rare find indeed, your soul will sing and writhe with the heavens as it should. You (yes specific and intended) aren’t a person intended to masturbate by yourself. You are a creature of union…this is more than obvious to me by your comments. Creatures of empathy and union are not creatures of isolation and egocentric pleasure, no matter their indoctrination or what they have falsely come to believe. Creatures of empathy and union need to bathe sweetly and blissfully and titillatingly in tender empathic union with one another, to obtain the peace and resonance of om within their perpetual existence. Less is only distraction and it will never do.

Cribb          2016

Love vs Sex 205 (#27 on Tantric Sex)

Tantra’s creation myth pictures the goddess Shakti making love to her consort Shiva. From this ecstatic union rains down a golden nectar which bathes the created world in bliss. Tantric writings describe the Hindu goddess Shakti as achieving seven peaks of ecstasy, each peak higher, stronger, and more powerful than the preceding one, until at the topmost she releases her nectar (female ejaculation). This nectar, amrita, is considered spiritual food for the universe, a pure joy, which radiates into the hearts of mortals.

Tantric Sex

Cassandra Lorius          1999

Cribb Comment:

Shakti is viewed as a woman or female goddess, but the term is synonymous with the energy of universal creation. Shakti also manifests itself in the more specific and differing forms of other goddesses. Her energy is unfocused and flowing chaotically through the universe, and she needs to form union with Shiva to give herself the focus of consciousness.

Shiva is viewed as a man or a male god, whose purpose is to receive the divine energies of Shakti in the act of making love (upper transcending sexual union). Shiva requires union with Shakti to transform his focus of sensation into physical form. 

Tantra believes that significant elements of Shakti and Shiva live in all men and women, and that it is imperative for each of us to acknowledge these inner energies, so that we may form a true union with the opposing or complementary energies in our partner.

I personally believe the reference to female ejaculate or nectar to be especially relevant. I believe all women are capable of “squirting” and I don’t view the pure act as some form of demeaning trick or freak show to dehumanize or despiritualize sexual union. The act has often be rewritten as so many things are, but that is rewriting and the bastardizing of something pure and natural. “Squirting” appears to be a true sign of a higher level of sexual union. It would appear to require the contributions of awareness and the effort of skillful sensitivity by a man coupled with the awakening or opening of vulnerability within the heart and soul of a woman. It may not be the end all be all of everything, but it still might serve as a guiding light or celestial map for our journey, pointing all of us in the right direction for supreme transcending union.

Cribb          2016

Love vs Sex 204 (#26 on Tantric Sex)

With the development of the Vedic system, based on a group of texts called the Vedas, introduced by Aryan invaders and subsequently favoured by the Hindus, Tantric practitioners were marginalized. Asceticism, or physical renunciation, gradually gained ascendency amongst Indians. The philosophy of learning through suffering, or working through suffering and hardship in this lifetime in order to earn future rewards in the next was regarded by Tantra teachers as a misapprehension of reality. Tantra says you don’t need to suffer to attain enlightenment. Paradise is not in the next world, but here and now, if we can only see it.

Tantric Sex

Cassandra Lorius          1999