The conflict between what we’re told we feel and what we really feel may be the richest source of confusion, dissatisfaction, and unnecessary suffering of our time.
Sex at Dawn
Ryan and Jethá 2010
In my profession, I have observed on a persistent basis how people perceive and experience death over the last twenty years. The sad truth is that most approach death in a manner or mimicry that they have observed on television or in the antics of others who are repeating a production of their own theatrical indoctrination. I find this phenomena heartbreaking because it turns a profound life experience and often a sincere loss and sorrow into more of an act or an emotionally volatile distraction. It morphs the relevance and grace of reality, the appreciation of our ability to form union, and the permanence of loss, into a stage show of paradoxical egocentric withdrawal.
The television seems to obtain its preeminent authority figure status on the enlightenment and instruction of death and mourning primarily due to the lack of the surrounding organic entities, meaning the people, of our childhood and young adulthood, failing miserably to engage with us in a stable, sincere, and contextual reflection on the matter. In other words, the organic authority entities in our close circle of perceptive psychological imprinting and recon withdraw themselves from the difficult topic of death leaving us blind and bewildered with a proposed shame or guilt about the topic “we must not speak about” or “we must pretend does not exist.” But inevitably, despite this trick of avoidance, we know we will eventually be thrown into the experience of its unavoidable reality and be confronted with the fear we have been taught all too well to associate with it. Thus, we seek an authority that the greater world seems to applaud and at the same time is incapable of bringing shame or guilt crashing down upon our psyche via the vulnerability of a true personal interaction. Bada-boom, bada-bam…the Television God authority figure satisfies all the prerequisites and who doesn’t want to be the best actor or actress on the screen? Comprehension, clarity, and peace always follow such acting and pretending if you act and pretend long enough and well enough, don’t they? Isn’t that the master lesson of madness? Yet, we most often fall into the trap and if everyone else bows down to the TV God, can doing so be so pathologic? At least we act in unison with others and in unison we can always find some contentment, some transcendence of assurance, even if we all fall down together into insanity and the experiences of anti-existence. At least, we don’t stand against or outside of the herd. At least, the herd cannot chastise us for behaving oddly or like an abomination.
So, most treat the experience of death like bad TV because that has become the norm of perception and interaction by the herd which is fearful of vulnerable reality. This herd prefers instead to promote a plausible and satiating illusion of genuine engagement while in truth profoundly disengaging from one another and promoting an isolated existence for all. Death becomes a show and a show that doesn’t even truly involve the dead. It’s a one man show of drama and attention and a power grab. It is something advertised as a sexual union that in fact only happens to be masterbation with a great marketing makeover.
And so, it is also with sex; the repression, the passively suggested and unspoken shame and/or guilt, the avoidance and withdrawal from any kind of an honest and open discussion with our partners and peers and our children because someone might be embarrassed or perceived to be dolt or a pervert or a fool. Our embarrassment and ignorance and fear can’t be admitted, so that we may learn from and laugh at it like we should, but it can certainly be passed onto others to let them falter forevermore as we do. Do unto others as has been done unto you. A second bada-boom, bada-bam, and the God of Porn becomes our charismatic and trustworthy authority figure. Instantly, we have a paramount fuck coach to show us everything we need to know about the giving and receiving end of things. He gives us the appropriate cues, the appropriate grooming and groping techniques, the right dirty words to hypnotise our partner(s) into becoming our helpless plaything(s), and brandishes the toys we must purchase and use in our adventures if we ever hope to experience a reputation as a more than capable Casanova or our own personal feelings of titillating orgasmic ecstasy. A bonus aspect that the God of Porn offers over the Television God of Death, is that worshippers may opt and often do to just lose themselves in the isolated viewing of their “instruction.” The reality in sex never even need cum. And certainly, anything outside the realm of the Porn God must be boring or religiously oppressive or anti-orgasmic. The Porn God knows all, just like the Weatherman. Venturing outside is boring when you can just stay inside and remain glued to the weather forecast. Forget your eyes and ears, your visceral senses and what you might see and feel, and forfeit the weather and sex to what an entertainer tells you to believe…to assume…to experience. Why look elsewhere or “in-where” when the Porn God is so damn popular and it’s so hip amongst your friends to be one of his groupies? Again popular inclusion based on willful ignorance, plausible illusion, and genuine interactive withdrawal, trumps a reality which requires the admittance of vulnerability to discover and experience true sexual union and upper transcendence. It has almost become hearsay to speak of Tantra or spiritual union or upper transcendence or love as potentials of profound sexual reality. People respond with smirks, cynicism, and laughter to such while they eagerly embrace the replacement of such feelings and energy with disrespectful objectification of one another, synthetic replacement of organic partners and parts, and a skewed overriding emphasis on frictional orgasmic addictive gratification and distraction from reality. Odd huh?, that the exponential propagation, exposure, and diffusion of porn throughout humanity has failed to produce sexual experiences and unions which foster more universal contentment, harmony, bliss, peace, and stability in our culture.
Until death and sex do us part or do we genuinely engage, the playacting will produce perpetual telltale glitches of instability marked particularly by emotional volatility, anxiety/depression, transference, and undulating paranoid schizophrenic activity. A confused “reality” of revolving jealousy/paranoia, the need to over-dominate others, intermittent spontaneous withdrawal, isolated posturing of the psyche, and egocentric filtering of all, is the reward for yielding our visceral senses and direct personal feelings to the supposed expectations and emotions of an imaginary authority figure who embodies nothing more than the vampiric emptiness and hunger of a fallen, soulless and lifeless, undead herd. We must accept and embrace the vulnerability inherent in genuine reality if we are to understand our true organo-spiritual natures and the full extent of our ability to live and form union with others. There is no other way and unfortunately, pretending to live like someone else will not suffice.