It is Little to Give (Love vs Sex 246)

“What is there I can give you? Love, it is true.”

“And is that so little?” I asked looking into his eyes.

“Yes, my dear, it is little to give you,” he went on. “You have beauty and youth. Often now I cannot sleep at night for happiness: I lie awake and think of our future life together. I have lived through a great deal, and I think I have found what is needed for happiness: a quiet, secluded life here in the depths of the country, with the possibility of doing good to people to whom it is easy to do good which they are not accustomed to receiving; then work – work which one hopes may be of some use; then leisure, nature, books, music, love for a kindred spirit – such is my idea of happiness, and I dreamed of none higher. And now, to crown it all, I get you, a family perhaps, and all that the heart of man could desire.”

“It should be enough,” I said.

“Enough for me whose youth is over, but not for you,” he pursued. “You have not seen anything of life yet. You may want to seek happiness elsewhere, and perhaps find it in something different. At present you believe that this is happiness because you love me.”

Happily Ever After

Leo Tolstoy          1859

Cribb Comment: I am extremely fond of this passage. Tolstoy reveals the hard to tell truth about love that most do not want to hear or even come close to contemplating; it must be grandiose and dramatic, fervent and uber passionate, and a thrill ride of unending emotional hype, stimulation, and volatile exchange, never just basic, simple, easy, and quietly profound in its energy and transcending bond. He also touches on the attainment and understanding of happiness in life which requires a security and willful stability in individual perspective and contentment of purpose. His promotion of the importance of untainted and unhypocritical good will towards his fellow man is also captured elegantly and succinctly by “doing good to people who are not used to such things and doing so without forcing this “good” upon them in an overstep of intent.” Lastly, his point of youth and its hunger, aware or unaware, for more than love, for more than genuine happiness, is presented with the unselfish tenderness and empathy of a saint. It is an undeniable truth that most youthful “old souls” can’t quite accept about themselves and their overriding desire. They seem unable to digest that real happiness and real love might just be too pure, obtainable, and stable, for the premises and constructs they have anchored into their psyche as defining a normal existence.

I would have preferred for Tolstoy to postulate a manner or theory in which these two characters could have worked together to address and resolve the youthful subconscious yearnings (their burden of misunderstood nervous and excitable egocentric energy) of the wife more effectively and profoundly. It would seem that Tolstoy might believe such a transition utterly impossible without the context of further life experience to curb and temper such youthful yearning.

2017

The Answer (Love vs Sex 243)

 The Answer

The world is upside down. The answer is never fear. Never. The answer isn’t defensive posturing or preemptive attacks. It isn’t subjugation, deceptive manipulation, intentional misrepresentation, enablement, fostering of delusion, hoarding, war, addiction, organized religious placation, or any other form of over-dominance and pathological preparedness.
The answer is unrelenting love. It’s not a fairytale or something I say lightly or flippantly. I understand the cost and the risk involved in such love and those things simply put, just don’t fucking matter. They never really did. True love walks on water and over coals, it survives alone in the frigid cold and empty darkness, and it has not the slightest concern over the substantial cost of what it must pay or the risk it must endure to offer its energy so freely to another. Love dwells on hope and union and blissful happiness, not skeptical reservation, nor doubt, nor fear.

Love everyone and everything with all of your essence and all of your might, all of it and more, until the association creates unnecessary persistent suffering within your own soul. You must take the first step. You must make the offering, the sacrifice, until proven otherwise. It doesn’t make you a fool or an idiot. It makes you an angel blazing in the glory of God…..in the graceful glory of love.

At the point of persistent suffering you must remove the direct connection of your offering. Love’s duty is not to suffer at the hand or boot of another. It suffers enough in its own pure balanced state. To do otherwise, indicates a disrespect of yourself and the purity of your own love. Accepted persistent suffering is accepted distraction and detraction from the transcendence and implementation of love.

Walk away when you must, but never cut the love out of yourself. Don’t change your posture. Don’t change your approach. Don’t assume a pathological pattern in others will repeat, even if it might. It’s irrelevant. Your love should never stop, never be deterred, never withdrawn, even if it must be continually redirected to flow in some other direction.
When you obtain a truly pure state of love, you realize it applies to all of existence. You don’t get to pick and choose where your individual love goes. It flows freely to where it is needed, where it is sought, and where it will find its most magnetic bond of unity to ultimately achieve its greatest catalytic effect on existence.

We all live a life that is primarily based on fear or love. Most have deluded themselves into believing that they have chosen love as their guide stone, when in fact and in deed, the markers of their fear run rampant throughout their existence and their orbit. The behaviors of over-dominance and over-nurturing are prime indicators of those ruled or simply controlled by fear. Toggling back and forth between those behaviors is most often misinterpreted by people as some form of spiritual healing or spiritual growth, when in fact it only depicts the definitive absence of love.

When you truly become a creature of love through and through, the fear and anxiety and the swinging pendulums fade away. All that is left is love, and then you realize that you have no desire or time to waste on any of the other nonsense. It is an absolutely titillating and resounding epiphany. It is the moment of your true birth and the beginning of a beautiful existence.

Cribb          2016

Answer the Question (Love vs Sex 242)

Why am I with you?
Please answer the question.

You’re with me because you love me.

And why do I love you?
What is at the core of my love?

You love me because I am aware, empathetic, and intelligent.

Yes, but what impact do those traits have upon me?
You have other traits too that are not as positive, that could be considered detractors or significant negatives. So, why do your positive traits outbalance your problems and the challenges they present to me?

I guess that even though sometimes it’s difficult to be with me, you believe that the good outweighs the bad.

Maybe in part, but that’s not really the answer. Why would I choose to stay with you? People don’t just stay with someone because they love them. Love itself is not enough and it has never ever really been enough to justify a true commitment to a relationship. Love is awesome all by itself, but commitment to a relationship of love is on a different level. So, why would I choose to stay with you?

I suppose because you believe in me.

Bada-boom, bada-bang, we have a winner! I guess late is better than never! It would not be so bad of an idea to try and remember that. . . may indefinitely or perpetually or something along those types of temporal parameters. Let me help you out one more time, just to get you started again. . . I believe in you, butthead.

Cribb          2017

The Contorted, Twisted, and Bastardized Form of “Love”, We have All been Taught to Believe is Ideal (Love vs Sex 237)

Written by Percy Sledge and first recorded in 1966, “When a Man Loves a Woman” hit a cultural nerve. The song shot to the top of both the Billboard Hot 100 and R&B charts. Another version, recorded twenty-five years later by Michael Bolton, also went straight to the top of the charts, and the song now sits at number 54 on Rolling Stone’s list of the five hundred greatest songs of all time. Nothing is more prominent than love and sex in Western media, and “When a Man Loves a Woman” is an example of the message whispered in romantic ears throughout the world.

What does Mr. Sledge have to say about a man’s love for a woman? What are the signs of true masculine love? Copyright restrictions won’t allow us to quote the song’s lyric in full, but most readers know the words by heart anyway. To review, when a man loves a woman:

  • He becomes obsessed and can’t think of anything else.
  • He’ll exchange anything, even the world, for her company.
  • He’s blind to any fault she may have, and will abandon even his closest friend if that friend tries to warn him about her.
  • He’ll spend all his money trying to hold her attention.
  • And last but not least, he’ll sleep in the rain if she tells him to.

We’d like to suggest an alternative title for this song: “When a Man Becomes Pathologically Obsessed and Sacrifices All Self-Respect and Dignity by Making a Complete Ass of Himself (and Losing the Woman Anyway Because Really, Who Wants a Boyfriend Who Sleeps Out in the Rain Because Someone Told Him Too?).”

Sex at Dawn

Ryan and Jethá          2010

Love vs Sex 206 (# 28 on Tantric Sex)

This is my response to a highly relevant comment that a blogger made regarding one of my tantric sex posts.

The point you raise about multiple orgasmic sex vs Tantra and its minimal “orgasmic” approach, has been my most unsettling glitch of contemplation on the subject. To induce (or aid in the induction of) a state of multiple or persistent or rolling orgasmic bliss in a woman, is damn near nirvanic by itself for both partners in sexual union. It sounds like you agree with that point. It might just be my crazed, rewritten, bastardization of Tantra or Neo-Tantra, but my opinion is that it is more about the intent, the awareness, and the energy exchange (draining, neutral, or giving), than orgasmic avoidance per se to trap the sexual energy within the body(ies). In other words, I fully believe that the two are not in conflict or antagonistic with one another, when the energy exchange is giving and bi-catalytic or bi-fissional, the intent is true union, and the awareness titillatingly slips into wrapping and dancing and flowing and ebbing itself, in and around and about, your partner, and the blissful energy of the universe. That approach removes the addictive demon of distraction and unilateral energy drain. I believe with the right lover, though a rare find indeed, your soul will sing and writhe with the heavens as it should. You (yes specific and intended) aren’t a person intended to masturbate by yourself. You are a creature of union…this is more than obvious to me by your comments. Creatures of empathy and union are not creatures of isolation and egocentric pleasure, no matter their indoctrination or what they have falsely come to believe. Creatures of empathy and union need to bathe sweetly and blissfully and titillatingly in tender empathic union with one another, to obtain the peace and resonance of om within their perpetual existence. Less is only distraction and it will never do.

Cribb          2016

Love vs Sex 205 (#27 on Tantric Sex)

Tantra’s creation myth pictures the goddess Shakti making love to her consort Shiva. From this ecstatic union rains down a golden nectar which bathes the created world in bliss. Tantric writings describe the Hindu goddess Shakti as achieving seven peaks of ecstasy, each peak higher, stronger, and more powerful than the preceding one, until at the topmost she releases her nectar (female ejaculation). This nectar, amrita, is considered spiritual food for the universe, a pure joy, which radiates into the hearts of mortals.

Tantric Sex

Cassandra Lorius          1999

Cribb Comment:

Shakti is viewed as a woman or female goddess, but the term is synonymous with the energy of universal creation. Shakti also manifests itself in the more specific and differing forms of other goddesses. Her energy is unfocused and flowing chaotically through the universe, and she needs to form union with Shiva to give herself the focus of consciousness.

Shiva is viewed as a man or a male god, whose purpose is to receive the divine energies of Shakti in the act of making love (upper transcending sexual union). Shiva requires union with Shakti to transform his focus of sensation into physical form. 

Tantra believes that significant elements of Shakti and Shiva live in all men and women, and that it is imperative for each of us to acknowledge these inner energies, so that we may form a true union with the opposing or complementary energies in our partner.

I personally believe the reference to female ejaculate or nectar to be especially relevant. I believe all women are capable of “squirting” and I don’t view the pure act as some form of demeaning trick or freak show to dehumanize or despiritualize sexual union. The act has often be rewritten as so many things are, but that is rewriting and the bastardizing of something pure and natural. “Squirting” appears to be a true sign of a higher level of sexual union. It would appear to require the contributions of awareness and the effort of skillful sensitivity by a man coupled with the awakening or opening of vulnerability within the heart and soul of a woman. It may not be the end all be all of everything, but it still might serve as a guiding light or celestial map for our journey, pointing all of us in the right direction for supreme transcending union.

Cribb          2016

Love vs Sex 203

I think

we

are

all

angels and demons,

mad and sane,

light and dark….

and

everything in between.

But,

when encountering a creature

who

is

capable

of

seeing all of this

within your own soul

in the light of love,

will you slaughter the poor soul

for his sight

or

will you welcome

his revealing and piercing gaze?

Can you tolerate

being loved

for

the true entirety

of

who you really are

or

would such acknowledged

awareness

turn your love

into

nothing

more than

smoldering

ash?

Cribb

2016