The Conformity of Being Broken (Warrior Poet Mental Yoga 243)

I have fought for the broken, the bent, the destabilized, the sexually repressed, the let down, the abused, the oppressed, the insecure, and the manipulated, almost my entire life. I have thrown myself up against a pervasive and heinous social and familial indoctrination system matrix that is the underlying force which inoculated all of these aforementioned entities with the fear that rules them in their preferred form of accepted and continued cyclical unending destabilization and suffering. I have flayed my life, my anger, my confusion, my demons, my own madness, my embarrassments, my vulnerabilities, my shame, and my own neuroses, in my own public blog and other forms of social media, to speak to these lost souls and try and get them to understand that I “get it,” that I “get them,” and I get the struggle they deal with every waking moment. I have read and educated myself endlessly on behavior, psychology, delusion, addiction, and a number of other related subjects, to become the most stabilizing entity, whether it be as son, friend, boss, father, lover, teacher, or veterinarian, possible. That has been the emphasis of my entire life, and I’m not exactly a dull light bulb of mediocre awareness and determination.

And despite all of this intent, focus, education, contemplation, and the best effort I can muster, over and over and over, what I have learned in 99.9% of the cases is that what broken really wants to do the most and what broken also really does best, is stay fucking broken, forever and ever and ever. And as broken does so, it expends an excessive amount of effort, will, and energy, to cycle through an infinite number of scapegoats, excuses, and every form of plausible deniability imaginable.

I once thought that the majority or at least a significant portion of broken adults and all of their excuses with them, could be helped or cured by another entity of supreme stability, empathy, and awareness. I now believe that such a notion is silly at best.

Broken wants to stay broken because that is what it has accepted as normal and it is too scared to choose to be abnormal, that is to break from the constructs it has previously cemented around its psyche as a result of the real or perceived life experiences it suffered in the past.

Normal for Broken is conformity to itself and the role that all the other enabling entities of its pack have “stamped with approval” as acceptable for one of its members even if that group “approved” behavior leads to its own perpetual destabilization. The enabling pack actually controls the destabilized Broken by keeping it weak, fractured, confused, and dependent on them. And they do all of this always in the name of love.

Abnormal or a state of healing change and cure for Broken is nonconformity to what it has previously accepted as itself and nonconformity to the entire damn enabling pack that it has been entrapped and tortured within. It matters not if this enabling pack has done this dastardly deed with specific intent or woeful ignorance, that is an irrelevant issue.

Broken will almost always choose conformity because that is the primary driving force behind social behavior. This conformity will eat its soul alive even as it pretends that only by conforming more and never less to its enabling pack might it ever become unbroken and find true peace.

The Broken were all once nonconformist. That’s a secret no one ever tells you. The reason they became Broken was because someone could not tolerate them with mutual respect and coexistence in their non-conforming state. So, the “non” was cut out of the nonconformist and what was left was Broken.

Broken, now a conformist, bent the knee, and lived happily ever after in the perpetual destabilization and suffering created by the psychological rift of their inherent core awareness and will conflicting continuously and paradoxically with their own outwardly adopted conforming behavior.

Cribb          2018

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