The Crux and the Cure of a Destabilized Lover (L vs S 228)

Her first thought was that he had come back because of her; because of her, he had changed his destiny. Now he would no longer be responsible for her; now she was responsible for him. 

The responsibility, she felt, seemed to require more strength than she could muster. 

But all at once she recalled that just before he had appeared at the door of their flat the day before, the church bells had chimed six o’clock. On the day they first met, her shift had ended at six. She saw him sitting there in front of her on the yellow bench and heard the bells in the belfry chime six.

No, it was not superstition, it was a sense of beauty that cured her of her depression and imbued her with a new will to live. The birds of fortuity had alighted once more on her shoulders. There were tears in her eyes, and she was unutterably happy to hear him breathing at her side.

The Unbearable Lightness of Being

Milan Kundera  1984

Cribb Comment: The crux; the yielding of responsibility or the retainment of it. We have been lead to believe it must be one or the other, but it is neither. The focus of the individual must shift from one of the two aforementioned options to a more expansive understanding and awareness which naturally includes the union and balancing of both behaviors to establish and maintain a truly healthy and stable psyche. Such a psyche is an absolute necessity for any individual to participate and engage in a nurturing relationship of any sort. Lacking such comprehensive balance, will yield only codependence and though perhaps tolerable relations, also a perpetually destabilizing “union.” Without responsibility or the lack thereof for either individual, the controlling factor and excuse of spoken or even unspoken guilt, is removed permanently from the relationship. As control is progressively relinquished, especially in the nooks and crannies of the innermost chambers of the psyche, love and upper transcendence with flourish.

Fortuities are a grace, a pattern of grace, in which the the undeniable truth of universal beauty presents itself relentlessly to those of continued yearning, who despite whatever inflicted, incurred, accepted, and suffering madness, still retain a tenacious core of the overriding desire to love and be loved in their inherent supreme vulnerability with the most devout resolve imaginable.



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