There have been four women in my life that I was fortunate enough to love beyond even the slightest doubt. I knew I loved them all, almost instantaneously. It was that obvious, that simple, that true, that alive, that undeniable in effect, upon every breath and heartbeat of my simple existence. I still love them all, love them beyond reprieve, beyond question, beyond doubt. The ever changing and ever renewable present may always alter such perceptions and beliefs, which emerge and extend from the past, but I think it highly improbable that my profound love for these exquisite creatures will ever be extinguished or bastardized or regretted in any kind of significant degree by alterations in their quintessential essence. That doesn’t mean that any of them are perfect or even close to flawlessness. It doesn’t mean that they haven’t wounded me mortally in the past, and that I now somehow believe such occurring again, beyond the realm of possibilities in the future. It simply means that despite whatever demons, whatever disease, whatever imperfections, whatever fears, whatever, whatever, whatever, that they all possess (possessed) such an inner light and glow and tenderness and yearning for love that I believe no darkness may ever completely overtake them and their stubborn, if imperfect and skeptical, hope.
I wonder if they are better without me, than with. I wonder if I hurt them more than I healed them. I wonder if somehow they could possibly rewrite and deny the purity, the effort, and the intensity of my intentions, of my love, of my entire existence, in regards to forming a Union with them of the highest transcending grace.
I wonder who they lay with now. Are they held tighter? More gently? More tenderly? More respectfully? Are they strengthened more by their current lovers approach than they were with mine? Are the kisses sweater? Are the laughs of greater compulsion and joy? Does the one who currently keeps their company even truly know the real inner beauty and uniqueness of each of these creatures of Faye?
I can only wish them all even greater love and Union than what we were able to obtain together during the precious moments we shared.