Orbiting a Mirror of Madness in the Most Precious Way

Pretext: There was most definitely a specific muse for this scribble when first inked. That muse stills haunts my mind at times and now she has a friend or two, that walk along just as alluringly through those hallowed halls with her. This is one of my favorite original writings.

I know that I am a crazy son of a bitch, and I think you may even be a little crazier than me. Sometimes, I think you dive into the madness and lose all rational perspective…….and maybe this should kill my love for you….maybe it should bother me more than the moment….maybe I should focus on this aspect of your soul…..but I can’t do it for more than a flash point…I can’t do it. I try to rationalize my feelings and my thoughts, but it just doesn’t work that way. It is more like gravity…..or the complexity and improbability of life and existence….or a visceral craving of what my “temple” and soul require, extensively hardwired from toe to cranium. I know you are crazy (like me) and I don’t care. I want you, I need you, I crave you, through all the madness, insanity, insecurity, and silly power struggles for control and dominance. I love you, knowing this madness is a symbiotic inhabitant of your soul, a protective guardian from times past or perhaps just your guardian angel, that has been driven mad from trying to survive the poisoning of the world.

Mirrors are dangerous and threatening and beautiful. The tempest we sometimes rage against one another, may really just be a tempest thrown at our own reflection in each others eyes. Oh…the crux of seeing yourself in complete and utter “is”ness reflected in another’s eyes…..how beautiful and how profoundly unsettling……how do we live with that mirror of madness….maybe sometimes it has to be shattered…maybe that is what is suppose to happen……just to see if someone will grab those shards of glass, through all the drops of blood, and know it should all be put back together again. Maybe, we all suffer from insanity and when you find the right soulmate, it means, deciding that your mates insanity, should be accepted as part of the universal condition, like so much else, and not used as a tool of constant strife and distraction, to keep your own eyes unfocused on those more daunting issues of that same universal condition. We are born, we live, we die, we are born. The sun rises, then it sets, then it rises again. The moon orbits the earth, which orbits the sun, and around and around we go…through the light, into the darkness, and back again into the light.

I cannot break your orbit……..even though the laws of nature dictate that orbit must always be a cycle of light and darkness.

I cannot break your orbit…….though at times, I crash against it with the violence of a hell-storm, trying to convince myself, the darkness of the universe is preferable your radiance.

I cannot break your orbit….and isn’t that the stuff of fairy tales…isn’t that the stuff of dreams….not this shit of being able to walk away or staying together because you shield your eyes from the true awareness of one another.

I cannot break your orbit…..and despite the madness of the world and that which resides in ourselves….I think this inability, may be the most precious force that anyone might ever succumb to.

Cribb

2014

A Little Girl Becomes a Woman (LvsS 215)

A little girl has been raised

without her parents instilling in her

a proper sense and understanding

of the appropriate boundaries of respect and responsibility.

This all too common failure of parenthood,

occurred over a prolonged period of time,

during the crucial developmental stages of the girl,

in a variety of direct and indirect destabilizing parental behaviors.

One day,

the little girl’s unbridled selfishness that has been fully enabled and potentiated

by her parents incompetence,

manifests itself in full blazing glory,

when she overtly disrespects her mother

in a combination of ignoring her and eventually, yelling at her.

The mother responds by telling her daughter to go immediately to her room for timeout,

so that she can rethink and reset her bad behavior.

Before the little girl takes the first step towards her room,

she screams at her mom,

“You’re the worst and meanest mommy ever, I hate you!”

The little girl grows into an adult woman

without any additional stabilizing psychological growth or true understanding

of her selfish and insecure

adaptations and misperceptions.

One day,

her boyfriend who loves her devoutly and genuinely,

and has proven such beyond reasonable measure,

calls her out appropriately on some of the disrespectful and inappropriate behavior

she is directing at him.

And no matter how clear his words are,

no matter how sincere his proclamations of love and empathy,

no matter how much time and effort he takes to explain his concerns,

feelings,

and thoughts to her,

all she can do is say

“You’re the most unrelaxed, demanding, critical, abusive boyfriend ever.”

Cribb          2016

Killing the Future and Stealing the Past (WPMY 120)

In our country, it seems that most prefer to talk of and about dead people

or

the things that they really want to kill,

as opposed to participating in a truly genuine and peaceful conversation,

in the actual present,

with a living entity capable of speaking for and about themselves.

One might associate such speaking for the dead

as a form of living in the past,

and speaking of killing whoever in the future,

as a form of living in the future.

Appreciative remembrance and the celebration of a passed life,

has always seemed more devout and profound to me,

when the living minimize their dilution of the essence passed.

Vitriolic rhetoric and war mongering about killing in the future,

is always proclaimed most vehemently by those most terrified of living in the present

and

having to acknowledge that their “enemy” might be more justified in their opinions

and actions,

than they happen to be themselves.

Killing the future and stealing the past,

certainly makes it easier for people

to avoid the truthful reality of the present.

Cribb          2016

Tantric Sex #31 (LvsS 214)

What we call love in our society is often more about neediness—we say ‘I love you’, meaning ‘I need you’. We are brought up to believe that the source of love is outside ourselves. There’s also a false understanding of how energy works. Our society sees love according to material rules rather than energetic rules. For instance, we have the feeling there is only a certain amount of love to go around. ‘If someone else is getting it that means there is less for us.’ ‘If I give it away, I have less.’ And so we learn to hoard love, but because love is an energy it doesn’t work like that at all. We don’t gain extra energy by holding onto it. The more we have, the more we keep it flowing. So it’s not something that gets used up.

A Tantric paradigm of relationship is that we come together as king and queen, out of an overflowing and fullness. ‘I’m complete in myself, but because of the joy of experiencing myself in the flowing it’s great to come and share the experience with you.’

Tantric Sex

Cassandra Lorius          1999

 

Straying Above Capability (WPMY 119)

You can be a monosyllabic dolt or person of malintent and supremely selfish motivation, but if you keep your mouth shut, most people will perceive you as a “sweet simpleton or a trustworthy/dependable friend or a person that is at least capable of growth overtime which will flourish into long term basic reliability.”

On the other hand, if you are highly intelligent, highly aware, well spoken, and proven in chosen action and deed, and you try to tell or explain something to someone, even with the best of intent and for their own specific personal gain/growth, and you happen to stray above the capability of their understanding or perception, you will most often be labelled a “threat or manipulator or liar or unreliable in any long term sense.”

These interpretations of the majority are truly more related to a person’s own stability and inherent security (fear of what they cannot dominate or comfort/trust against what they can dominate), than any form of objective facts relating to the assessment of others.

Cribb          2016

As one Eviscerated, Others Lifted 1 (L vs S 213)

I said “Your honesty and openness always touch me. I get it. I hate being alone at night by myself too. Today has been a rough one on my emotions and my heart. I wonder if anyone appreciates true love and intimate affection the way I do…not egotistical, I just feel lonely and unappreciated. I don’t know how to give more of myself than I have recently. It doesn’t seem possible and that doesn’t seem enough. I don’t understand why it must be so hard…seems unfair. Maybe, I just want something that isn’t real. Maybe, I expect too much. Peace and love to you.”

She said “No, I don’t think you ask too much. I think you are just looking for someone to match you, and that’s natural. I just think it will take some time since you are unique and more human or, I guess, less human than anyone else I know. I feel the same sometimes. I have loved people too in a certain way, but I know I need more. I need deep, I need silly, I need humor, I need more. I understand.”

“Life may not sometimes, but I do.”

Cribb and Company          2016

 

Not Alone in the Outdoing of Absurdity (L vs S 212)

A girl had bidden me eat and drink and sleep, and had shown me friendship and had laughed at me and had called me a silly little boy. And this wonderful friend had talked to me of the saints and shown me that even when I had outdone myself in absurdity I was not alone. I was not an incomprehensible and ailing exception. There were people akin to me. I was understood.

Steppenwolf

Herman Hesse          1927