How did Leon cope with his emotional and sexual feelings toward Miss Anderson during these months? Could all the time, devotion, and reassurance she tried to give him countervail against the gigantic proportions of his anxiety and guilt over sexual expression, his stupendous fear of becoming dependent on her, his fear that she, like his mother, would overwhelm and stifle him, and against his gigantic doubts of his adequacy, indeed, his identity, as a man? On the one hand, in contrast to his typically detached, emotionless, coldly hostile take-it-or-leave-it relationship with others, he went to great lengths to maintain, solidify, and perpetuate his relationship with her. On the other hand, he could not let the relationship develop, but had to contain it within strict bounds, and he was therefore compelled to employ a whole gamut of defense mechanisms to alleviate his guilt and anxiety, and deny his dependency on her. These defensive maneuvers intermingled and alternated with his positive approaches in a series of predictable fluctuations. If a particular session with Miss Anderson was human and warm, we could reasonably expect that the next would be difficult, characterized by withdrawal or hostility, or muteness, or an excessive concern with squelches.
The Three Christs of Ypsilanti
Milton Rokeach 1964
Cribb Comment: Though this specific observed and documented behavior occurred between an institutionalized paranoid schizophrenic (Leon) and a research assistant (Miss Anderson), I am convinced the same forces, fears, and dynamics apply to the overwhelming majority of what are considered normal or successful relationships in our society. I have experienced and witnessed the phenomena from the fear riddled insecure perspective and also from the secure stable position of a respectful and appropriately nurturing companion/partner. The first involves the relentless yin and yang of perpetually destabilizing fear. That fear becomes that person’s god and that god is a prototypical god of addiction. Even with a strong desire for change, genuine transient acceptance of reality and truth, and new personal experiences of greater bliss and happiness than what has ever been experienced before, the addict will almost inevitably cycle back into their delusional drug of perceived self protection and thus, self preservation. The fear of failure and the possibility of suffering more as a result of “letting go” and accepting the free fate of reality cripples most into the stagnant resolve of withdrawal in one elaborate form or another. Odd, that this chosen effort of withdrawal, is almost always denied or rewritten by the conscious mind of the insecure by projecting a seemingly justified perception on another that requires or mandates their (withdrawal) response from said person, only in the name of their own defense and preservation. The withdrawer, thus remains (within their psyche) the perpetual victim, not the instigator, the passive person or force, who has no control and no responsibility, in the perceptions or behaviors of others. In the confines of their mind, they genuinely believe that they are a helpless and blameless victim suffering in an external world that is just too damn cruel and overbearing. In reality, they are instituting the overriding subconscious control of everything they experience through the application of a delusional or false reality. This does not invalidate or ignore the relevance that such pathological insecurity was most likely initiated by a genuine experience of excessive destabilization in a prior experience. Typically, that prior experience occurs during a developmental phase in which a child is very vulnerable to such forces.
I think it also very relevant to mention the point brought up in the last sentence of the quote and how that point ties into sex within any given relationship. Tantric principles and observations support the theory that after a sexual experience, and especially one of profound union, harmony, and bliss, an unstable participant will typically find themselves obsessing on insecurities and other demons to push back against the vulnerable bond (and the associated person who just made love to them) that now, post-coitally, suddenly becomes rewritten by their psyche into something to doubt, to suspect, . . . . . . to fear. The instability is somehow triggered even more profoundly by pure undeniable acts of love and bonding.