Man’s ejaculation is not really an orgasm, although for men the words orgasm and ejaculation are used interchangeably to describe the experience. The semen is just the physical part, but the psychic and spiritual part of orgasm is missed completely. Here is where the highest potential of sex lies. Orgasm is a state where body is no longer felt as matter; it vibrates like energy, like electricity, filled with light. You are without physical boundaries, a dancing, throbbing energy, consumed with the divine. The body becomes vaporous, vibrating in harmony with the beloved, hearts beating together, and then orgasm happens—two become one—a circle pulsating together. This is the ancient symbol of yin and yang, yin moving into yang and yang moving into yin. It is exactly this spiritual state that we are unknowingly seeking in our conventional thiorst for orgams, because in the few seconds of orgasm that we do have, we can yield a higher force.
Tantra offers an orgasm that is a state and not an event. It is interested in being orgasmic, rather than having an orgasm. One is timeless and the other the fewest of seconds. This ecstatic state is an inner phenomenon from which greater joy and fulfillment arises. It is the experience of a valley orgasm, a falling into the ecstatic depths of relaxation. And perhaps out of this a peak can arise from the depths, forging and swirling its way upward orgasmically to its zenith. In this valley of relaxation a man can experience orgasm without ejaculation. The orgasmic energy moves through the body in waves, but there is no physical part to it—the semen remains in the body. And women are known to release copious liquid, a divine nectar called “amrita”, in the moments of ecstasy.
One cannot actively seek a valley orgasm, that is its beauty. It is not a doing, it is a by-product arising out of an intensity of being, profound relaxation. It happens to you, you do not make it happen. We can actively take steps to relax in sex through the Love Keys and give birth to the possibility of such an emerging experience. And the simplest way to approach it is to resist our habit for always going for orgasm or ejaculation. Relax, remain present, and see what happens instead. It does not mean that you never come. It means you extend the lovemaking and save the ejaculation for much later on, or you come less often, and perhaps gradually with less frequency. A variety of enriching and fulfilling experiences begin to engage you and fill out the lovemaking, and correspondingly the interest or dependence on the peak recedes. It depends on you, remembering when we don’t release the sex energy we are literally empowering ourselves.
The Heart of Tantric Sex
Diana Richardson 2003