Tantra teaches us that the emotional qualities that a man finds most disturbing in a woman are something that he himself actually creates through his insistence on excitement and orgasm (This “insistence” has become an indoctrinated cultural norm and I would argue is instilled in both boys and girls as the only goal of “good” sex prior to even their earliest sexual encounters. It is interesting to me that such an obsessively instilled goal in the sexual act has replaced the only other commonly theorized alternative of “terrible” sex, “known” to be completely devoid of satisfactory pleasure and orgasmic sensuality for women. It would seem very possible that one of these extremes is a severe overswing/overcorrection from the other, sadly distracting all of us from the true blissful and stable balanced alternative of a non-excitatory approach to sex. – Cribb interjection 2015). A woman is kept at her lowest level of her sexual expression and obstructed from fulfilling her true female potential. For centuries she has been used as a sexual object, the source of men’s gratification. This saddens and enrages her. Over time her untapped divine energies become increasing dormant and stagnant, while a deep dissatisfaction, disappointment, and a lack of love pervades every cell in her body, making her emotionally unstable. Conventional sex, hot, frenzied, and focused on self gratification, whips up these emotions within, and this triggers sexual excitement, interfering with her ability to be receptive.
While emotional sex, as it is sometimes called, might be extremely pleasurable, it lasts only seconds, and ultimately has a depleting effect on the life energies. Deep down we know that we have used each other, not made love, and are saddened by it.
These emotional patterns and instability in a woman are so deeply ingrained that she begins to believe this is who she is. She has become identified with her emotional side. Women begin to falsely believe that a certain amount of emotion in their lives gives it shape, form, and meaning. They think that if there is a fight going on, then love is happening. Conversely and just as false, a woman often finds that if there is a period of calm and tranquility between herself and her lover, then love must be disappearing. Often a woman will focus on an ongoing theme of discontent to get some attention and bring some life back into the relationship. She will create a bit of a push and pull, a tug of war, just to get a sense of movement, a feeling of love.
When women are emotional, they become more excitable in sex, and this makes it difficult for both men and women to relax into making love. Orgasm will be a constant beckoning, pulling away from its spiritual nourishing phase. When the sexual energy is allowed to relax instead of being forced into a peak, the corresponding emotionality of a woman gradually subsides. She becomes fulfilled, serene, and content. This is the shift from linear (sex energy released) to circular (sex energy retained) in which a woman finds herself more feminine, radiant, and loving. It is here in this circular movement, the union of sex and heart, where the true source of female sexual energy and ecstasy lies. Unfortunately women rarely reach their feminine potential because the circular female polarity—awakening sex energy through the breasts and heart—in sex is not recognized or utilized by either herself or by her lover. Deep down she knows intuitively that much is possible from sex and love. She senses and longs for an orgasmic, blissful state of divine union where love reigns. But she remains fundamentally unsatisfied, and eventually her distress translates into emotionality.
As excitement and goal oriented sex continue in her life, a woman will develop an emotional personality, demanding love and never finding the contentment of love within her. On the deepest level, this is a tragedy because we have lost our natural source of love.
The Heart of Tantric Sex
Diana Richardson 2003