Rediscovering erogenous zones
Nature gave us erogenous zones that function naturally to produce sexual interest and excitation. Excitation can be felt as the buzzing of life energy itself and this is not to be confused with excitement. These erogenous zones assist us in accessing our life energy, and they function as as bridges to the present moment. However, through our lack of understanding in sex we overuse or abuse our erogenous zones, and they gradually become desensitized. This may show up as a lack of sensitivity where we withdraw physically and close down to the other and thus ourselves, or it may reflect as hypersensitivity, where we become unbearably sensitive, almost repelled by touch. The body can also feel leaden, numb, and dead.
For example, a woman’s nipples can become either dull and unresponsive or extremely sensitive to touch, almost painful. The tendency to either reaction is to immediately push the other person away. The same thing can happen to the clitoris, especially if used habitually to achieve orgasm. An insensitive touch can also have a repelling effect and will cause a woman to withdraw sexually at the very moment that her partner is trying to reach her.
In Tantra we learn that the breasts and nipples are a woman’s positive pole, the gateway to her sexual expression, and she can be brought to the depths and heights of orgasm through her breasts. The breasts are the route to her feminine sexual energy. So it becomes meaningful for a woman to have sensitivity in her breasts, and to be able to welcome and receive attention there. She must not react to the touch but respond and open up to it, so a man must take care how he touches her.
A useful guideline is to see if the approach contracts or expands your body energy, noticing whether it leads to more excitement and tension, or more inner sensitivity and expansion. It is beautiful and natural for the woman to touch the penis, but usually when she does so she wants it to be erect immediately so penetration and orgasm can happen. The classic way to an erection going is to use friction by moving the hand backward and forward. With this kind of stimulation, the man will feel excited, restless, and desirous of moving once he is inside of a woman, making it more difficult for him to penetrate slowly and consciously. With masturbation-like movements, the penis feels an unspoken pressure and demand for erection, sometimes making it more difficult for him to achieve. This type of erection, which relies on stimulation, can be temperamental, fragile, and easy to lose, so once the man is inside the woman he will then have to continually maintain and build up the level of sexual excitement in order to remain erect. In this way sex can become frenzied and overexciting, leading to quick ejaculation.
When the penis is fondled and caressed unhurriedly without the intention to get an erection, where the touch is loving and not demanding, this can be a beautiful experience, a wonderful sharing of energy. When the woman simply touches the penis with loving presence, when she massages, squeezes, pulls the foreskin folds back, the penis will absorb the love, feel the interest, and respond accordingly. The erection will be a side-effect of the love, with a different quality than that experienced when erection arises from a mental or physical pressure. The intention here is to love and adore the penis for its wonderful qualities, a healing, loving power tool. The penis itself recognizes the difference in the woman’s attitude and feels empowered.
The Heart of Tantric Sex
Diana Richardson 2003