In Tantra, we don’t exactly concentrate on the genitals, we relax into them. Remember, it is an easy approach and not a forced or tense one. Instead we bring our awareness into them, and begin to get an inner sense and impression of them. This internal focus brings awareness into the sexual act and gradually builds consciousness into the penis or vagina. Imagining a fire or liquid warmth that fills the pelvic area, melting and softening the genitals, can be a helpful image. Our orientation is inward, and by holding the genitals in awareness, almost listening to them as we make love, we start to see and experience them, not ourselves, as the makers of love.
Slowing down all the movements during sex will naturally bring genital consciousness as it enables you to feel the genital interaction. At first, this may seem contradictory as you wonder how your penis or vagina can perceive anything without the friction to which you are so accustomed. To slow down or stop moving may seem a bit daunting, or confusing. But as you slow down, you will soon find more genital consciousness and a tremendously deep level of pleasure as the sensitivity is increased. WIth a great deal of movement there is too much happening to feel the finer genital function.
The first penetration creates the world in which you will make love together, so penetrate as slowly as you can, taking several long moments to feel the yielding softness, the opening and the giving way of the vagina.
The more a woman moves her pelvis back and forth, the less sensitive the vagina, and the greater the defense that is automatically set up within the vaginal walls. As a woman approaches orgasm, particularly clitoral orgasm, she will usually begin to move rapidly, increasing the friction, and it is here that she begins to separate her consciousness from her vagina. If she is observant she can notice that the entire musculature of the vagina is contracted and tense as she thrusts and moves her pelvis to create pleasure. Stated simply, the more contracted the environment, the less sensitive and receptive the vagina. At this moment, when sensitivity of the vagina should be at its utmost, the complementary female genitals are unable to truly absorb the energy from the penis.
When women stop the pelvic motion, we can sink inward and retrain the muscles and membranes of the vagina, and thereby the penis, to become more soft and sensitive. Through this we are able to establish genital consciousness. When a man can slow down for a while, if he can be in the vagina and relax into the gap of no-feeling, it will be well worth it. Lost sensitivity will be slowly and surely regained. As he switches his focus to other perceptions besides that friction, he will eventually feel like he is entering an electrical socket, or a highly magnetized environment. It is riveting!
The Heart of Tantric Sex
Diana Richardson 2003