Unfortunately, people rarely speak to each other sincerely about their present moment, especially when making love. It would solve many problems if we did. Indeed some couples come to realize that they never talk like this with each other in daily life, let alone in love. They begin to notice they are always drifting, between planning, some distant memory, vague future wishes. When I started to communicate about the present while making love I found it difficult to speak out loud, and was extremely resistant at first, but I soon discovered the resistance was my fear of looking inside myself. I was afraid of being vulnerable, of his judgements of me. I was also afraid to express my joy, afraid of saying how thrilled I was by this privilege, our delicious body smells, the beauty glistening in his eyes, the supple smooth silky skin, the love I could feel emanating from his penis. The more I practiced, as with most things, the easier it became. It was a relief to speak freely. As I shared my truth with my lover a great deal of energy was freed up and my body became more vital. I gained information about our genitals, our bodies, our sensitivities and pleasures, pains, and insecurities. Sharing what is happening as it happens creates intimacy and unquestioning openness, which helps you to remain rooted in the body, aware and present together, where love thrives.
I would suggest that you tell your lover what you feel in your body, or heart, and be specific whenever you can. Don’t hide anything. Continue a slow dialogue as you are making love, telling each other what is going on inside of you, with relaxed pauses in between. The general idea is that in keeping track of now and now and now we create tremendous awareness of what is happening. And this changes the whole quality of the experience. It brings consciousness to it. Avoid prolonged or awkward silences to stop yourself from drifting away. Use words to bring yourself and each other into the present. I call this “sharing your now.” This establishes an honest basis between you, and gives a new-found freedom. It is not a confession, but simple words to articulate truthfully different feelings within your own body. This increases your awareness, intensifies sensitivity and the body energy will expand accordingly.
The Heart of Tantric Sex
Diana Richardson 2003