The Addiction of Possessive Love
We were sitting at the bar last night talking about past relationships…about why the “commitment” is formed in the first place when things never really added up anyway and why those things, subtle at first, eventually implode in spectacular grandeur of some sort……after some unpredictable period of time, how it all just goes poof.
I said, “Possessive love is not love. It is an addiction and like any addiction it is a tool only for selfish distraction. You cannot love what you are addicted to or what you control. It doesn’t work that way. No matter what anyone says, it never has. Taking care of someone means nothing if it comes with a cost above appropriate respect. When that provided care is a bridle used for controlling someone, clipping their wings, it is nothing more than poison and dare I say, an expression of the utmost disrespect. Possession is about fear of loss, not respect of existence or presence within your life.”
She had a strange look on her face, and I wondered if I had gone into Cribb-mode too much, sitting at that bar, in that nice little warm restaurant, until her smile awakened somewhat and she said, “I think I almost lost my breath there for a moment….”, which of course, made me glow as I tried to form a new sentence and get back to somewhat of a more normal conversation.
Then today, in a text to me she wrote “Addiction is the hallmark of every infatuation-based love story…” -eat pray love.
And Cribb-mode, heavily caffeinated, found it impossible not to reply again to such a delicious topic of supreme importance.
“I Like it…agree. Infatuation is transient and more about self-absorptive distraction of the true or important senses. It is a cycle within addiction. It seeks to posses something “new” or “different” because that gives itself the illusion that it is changing, improving, learning, appreciating, and loving when in actuality it is only implementing further progressive stagnation in true appreciation and awareness.”
“To love is too appreciate for the actual and not a rewritten actual…it isn’t about a newness or the attainment of a conveniently discardable distraction of the emotionally primed intoxicated moment.”
“Infatuation and addiction block, obscure, and delude true appreciation (of all) to hide and mask the inherent vulnerability of accepting that what is so beautiful and so graceful and so free and perhaps so rare, is not ours to control and as such, it always retains the inalienable right to choose to walk away and leave us alone craving it’s lost presence. Those ’emotions’ comfortably distract us from the realization that perhaps we are not worthy to attract and retain the attention of such a beautiful being for our desired long haul with them. Perhaps we are inadequate.”
“Hope that makes sense….sorry if it was too long winded, but you started it.” I finished.
And she replied “Ha ha……wow that’s quite the response.”