Within and Without
What if someone loved you beyond your own capability to love yourself? You wouldn’t trust them would you? They would by default become suspect by you because such an idea or choice or emotion wouldn’t make sense to you. The thing that would be logical to your psyche, the thing that would fit best into your universe of protective constructs, would be for them to not love you or at best love you to a lesser degree than you loved yourself. It logically follows that regardless of your portrayal or your projected illusion to whomever, if your true self esteem is an abused victim of self-loathing or despising the person you think that you hide so well from all others, that for your world to align and maintain a consistent fabric of plausible minimally upsetting continuity, you must “relate” with another “someone” who either loathes and despises you to a greater degree than you do yourself or you must “relate” to “someone” that you feel you can completely bamboozle on a perpetual basis. There is not another option and there is no way for this “someone” to escape this trap of your concocted ultimate resentment. The resentment flows deep down because “you know” this someone loathes you or you despise the weakness of this someone which allows you to play them for the fool. If this someone happens to be stable and intellectual sound enough to counter your tactics appropriately, your next move is always to label them as controlling. This is the last plausible move you have if you cannot destabilize that someone first to “turn them into the monster” or if you choose not to begin to love yourself more and expose your true self to them.
So, if given any excuse to diminish or deconstruct the “implausible and illogical” love of this person towards yourself, you would pounce eagerly on the opportunity to prove your “logical” assumptions as certifiable….as justifiable. You would pounce on proving “the monster to be the monster” most readily and easily, but as noted above, if that failed….if the undeniable evidence lacked the conscience of your accusation, you would then have to pounce on “the controlling asshole being a controlling asshole.” This allows you the final excuse to run away….to escape the facing of reality and the true etiology of your anxiety and madness when you just can’t conveniently pull the “monster” card out of your pocket.
For the rare minority who have unfortunately suffered a seemingly never ending cycle of chronic angst, oppression, and loveless relationships (all at the hands of others in their minds), who finally take a leap of faith over a terrifying chasm of self-truth and chose to see their own fear and their own desire of excuse…for those who choose to not continue to project ideas, thoughts, and words upon another to make that other a boogeyman to satiate their own fear and justify their own flight, an opportunity is created for their cycle of excuse to finally meet its end. And that is an exquisite momentous epiphany in self-awareness, the realm of transcendence, the ability to perceive and appreciate all of the graces of life, and the attainment of peaceful contented stability. It is the very quintessential moment when a person truly embraces the love of their own existence, within and without themselves. It is the moment of spiritual birth and the awakening of the ability in oneself to profoundly perceive and accept the graceful bombardment and resulting impact of the love of another freely and emphatically bestowed upon their very own soul.