The greatest insight of Tantra, indeed its cornerstone, is that masculine and feminine energies are equal and opposite forces. These attract and complement each other, as do yang and ying, dynamic and receptive, positive and negative. This signifies that when men and women are joined in sexual union, the bio-energies of the bodies create an ecstatic sexual experience through the interplay of opposite polarities. And this happens without doing anything. In effect, the Tantric journey begins when we contact and reestablish our inherent male and female polarities. This presence of opposing polarities or forces in man and woman is crucial, since it introduces us to a whole new vision of the sex act.
When we make love operating against the inherent polarities of the sex organs, we are unwittingly working against our own sexual potential. Through making love in consciousness, we are able to purify (decondition) ourselves from this energy disturbance, and the bodies will gradually and gratefully return to their intrinsic male and female polarities. Men begin to feel their true masculine qualities and women their genuine female attributes.
We generally are not aware of this falsity or disturbance in our polarities because it has been our sad condition for so long, but what is apparent these days is that women are increasingly tough and manly while a great many men in turn are more macho and aggressive. Both men and women are suffering from the effects of a distressed sexual energy. We were born with this imbalance, and from the first moment we make love, unless we are guided differently, we are reinforcing it.
The essential step for me was to acknowledge my polarity and fall increasingly into it. I focused on how to become more “negative” and passive, so to speak, more allowing, more receptive, more conscious, and it surprised me to find my man becoming more “positive,” more dynamic, more vital, more “here.” This was not the same kind of positive I had known formerly, where lovemaking could be described as a pushing hard linear event, creating a peak of energy. It was almost the opposite, like the inverting of a peak, a bottoming out. It was something new and different, deeply touching, circular, ecstatic, unimaginably joyful. Whenever I fell back into my peak and release pattern, I would feel frustrated, irritable, incomplete, and no longer close to my lover.
I gradually discovered that love was strengthened through an inner focus, rather than an outer focus, and that it depended more on me, and my consciousness, than on him. In this way suddenly everything was back in my own hands, and I began to see that I was entirely responsible for the quality of love in my life. When I made love consciously I noticed that I was much more loving and lovable.
The Heart of Tantric Sex
Diana Richardson 2003