How did we lose the art of generating love? Of staying in love? Why are we so focused on orgasm?
The simple answer, sadly, is that as we have become more civilized we have become less conscious. Over thousands of years men and women have fallen dramatically out of balance with each other. We have become progressively time- and goal-oriented, conditions in which true love and uplifting sex deteriorate.
Stress is responsible for an extremely high percentage of illness in the modern world. Relaxation and inner ease have become so unfamiliar to us that when we are not “doing” anything we feel restless and bored. We long for action, excitement, stimulation.
It seems that we have reversed the rules of nature. Living with and against the clock seems to give our life meaning while “being” and stillness and quiet arouse our anxiety.
When we do (finally) make love we are always in a hurry to get to the end part, the orgasm part. When we are striving toward that, we are ahead of ourselves . We are not really “here”, we are not even really together. We are almost using each other and our every move or touch is oriented toward our goal. The orgasm has become the only means of fulfillment, and we feel that sex is not really sex unless we “come,” unless there is a peak of energy (release).
This urgency for an orgasm operates unconsciously within us, almost like an automatic reflex, seeming to leave us little choice but to head for orgasm, as we usually do. This desire is so strong it seems to be absolutely instinctive, which makes it even harder for us to imagine there might be other ways of making love! And so we repeat ourselves in sex, looking for a certain fulfillment that we never seem to find.
The Heart of Tantric Sex
Diana Richardson 2003