This was my first and to date the only oil painting that I have ever rendered. It was never finished and I understand it is far from a masterpiece, but it was the best I had at the time within me…without training. It was painted from a picture that I took during breakfast at Carver’s Apple House in Cosby TN, right outside of the GSMNP.
The woman in the picture was the first woman that I ever fell in love with. I wanted to paint the picture for two reasons. The first was because she was so fucking beautiful…and like any thing of absolute beauty, I wanted to celebrate its existence…document its undeniable raging beauty to balance out all of the ugliness and delusion present in this world. The second reason was because I wanted her to know that I “saw her”…that I “appreciated her” like most men and even most people could not. I wanted to reflect her own beauty, hopefully as perfect as was possible through the skills of my awareness and attentiveness to her physical and spiritual essence, back at her…deliver her own beauty unto her. That was what I wanted most of all.
She told me that she and her friends thought it weird that I would paint a picture of her……you know just kinda strange….(like in a creeper way….like in a why would anybody do something so stupid and pitiful kinda way).
One night, perhaps after being shunned or having an argument, I destroyed the frame and canvas by kicking and ripping it apart…..it was stupid and pitiful anyway…and she just thought it was strange.