The Hard O vs the Soft O – Part 1

This is a subject that I honestly believe to be of vital importance to humanity. You think I joke, but I do not. I remained saddened by the disconnect and all of the obstructing bullshit we have interwoven into the new “norm” of our lives that destroys us individually, as well as our ability to bond with one another in a healthy, synergistic, spiritual manner. Sex, fucking, making love, whatever your term and your Prude Level, it doesn’t matter, because the most natural activity in our lives besides eating and sleeping has become twisted, contorted, and diseased; I would further argue it is a poisoning of the most natural physical grace bestowed upon our existence.


Admittedly, my number of sexual partners is probably much more limited than most. It may even follow that the given diversity of my sexual escapades is even more limited than most. But nonetheless, this analytical super-nerd has a tendency to hyper-focus on awareness and human behavior. Couple that with the hungry sexual appetite that I also possess and my studies in personal growth, transcendence, and spirituality, and together I believe those elements might just suggest that I know what I am talking about.


The Hard O

From my direct personal experience and the tales I have heard from dating, the hard O seems to be by far the most common form of O and thus the most common “notion” of fulfilling sex for the masses. I correlate the hard O to “banging” or “brute grinding” or the most common inference of “fucking”. Unless hard O sex is combined alternately or intermittently with soft O sex, I find it to be disheartening and less than satisfying. Partners defaulting into hard O sex are definitely more guarded, less tender, less relaxed, less vulnerable, more primarily self-concerned, more disconnected from their partner, and usually more “dirty”, “pornish”, “toy oriented”, and “emotionally devoid”.

The emotionally devoid typical male may serve as the best example of this type of exchange. He just wants to fuck your lump of flesh and really doesn’t give a shit about anything else. You might as well be dead really….just a pretty shell that he can stick his dick into. The sexual experience for him has nothing to do with a “spiritual” connection or even just an “honest” connection. It only revolves around bedding a woman (or man for that matter) through any means possible, including lying, trickery, and deceptive manipulation, just long enough to blow his own wad. He really doesn’t even care if his partner has a pleasurable experience or if they reach orgasm. His mind is too self-centered and empty to appreciate or become aware of any further possibility regarding the experience. Honesty often means nothing to this type of man or his actions and the same disregard applies to every expression of his existence. Often, he is a blatant liar and cheating on someone who he supposedly “respects” or “loves” with another. If he goes and goes with a partner long enough during sex for the partner to climax, he usually goes that long because he is really not that “sensitive” or “touched” or “aware” or “interested” in the receiver. His numbness or mental separation from his actual partner actually helps delay or protract his own orgasm. I am not advocating in any shape, form, or fashion premature ejaculation, but it is not a good thing to be insensitive or numb to an experience that should be highly titillating to you.

Often, the receiver of this persona and their hard O ways must learn to “help” themselves cum essentially by their own actions. The “receiver” learns to feel like only a piece of flesh or a stand in doll who might get lucky and cum themselves if they are fortunate on any given occasion, but really deep down they start to accept and sometimes regret that their role has changed from a “mate” to a “sperm receptacle”. Those receivers regretting such a thing either begin to cheat with a different male or instead they choose to abstain from their partner and engage a vibrator for their ongoing sexual needs.

On the reverse side, if the female partner is of the same “caliber” as the proposed male persona above, sex may go seemingly well….for a while. Each partner, disconnected truly from one another, but all about getting themselves off, essentially just “uses” the others body….like a tool or toy or doll or dildo or vibrator. I would argue as this type of “relationship” fails from its actual emptiness, porn and role-playing and toys often take on a larger role in trying to “fix” the inadequacy and true lack of transcending sexual energy. Males in this type of relationship often become asexual after marriage or any long term association because their physical basic/animalistic sex instinct is killed by monogamy and they do not possess the higher awareness and thirst for ongoing sexual union found in males of a more spiritual or transcendent nature. The sex often completely dries up in these situations.

Females who are insecure or fearful for whatever reason of becoming vulnerable, very often remain “guarded” during sex. And more specifically what I mean by guarded is that they limit themselves to cum only by the hard O, consciously and unconsciously blocking any connection or behavior that might lead to a union of the soft O. A woman who comes through the hard O can claim “men are just men” or “that they were deceived/lied to by the man”. They orchestrate events so they can benefit from physical sexual pleasure, but simultaneously remain jaded on a persistent basis so as to not let their guard down enough to get hurt. These women limit the sex they have to “dirty” or purely physical sex that can get them off, but that doesn’t run the risk of “hooking them emotionally” or making them acknowledge any vulnerability. Behavior consistent with this includes not looking directly into your lovers eyes and not yielding to their control or lead during sex….not letting fully go and just giving yourself, all of yourself, over to your partner completely with utter trust and the shedding of all fear.

I do not believe that sex of the hard orgasm can ever truly affect a person with the same type of intensity and emotion and bonding that sex of the soft orgasm induces. However, hard O sex does induce transcendence in people. It transports them in some spiritual means outside of their isolated self and lets them momentarily share existence with the greater universe and this is what is still so appealing to the act of the hard O. You can still get your brains fucked out with the hard O and truthfully we all know how good that feels, but it is more of a vague obliteration of yourself combining with the universe,   not an uplifting, unifying force of progressive awareness and spirituality that you get to share with another by melting together with them in the face of creation.      

To be continued…

Cribb      2014                 

2 thoughts on “The Hard O vs the Soft O – Part 1

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