For Me or For You? – Part 4 – The End

Our bodies were locked together facing one another and I was postured upon her…..rooted to her with my every fiber and tendril and extension…..rooted as it should be…and I moved with the earth, her earth, as it stirred itself in both predictable and unpredictable ways…..shifting…..reacting to its constant bombardments by the feral intensity of all of the known elements. And though rooted I was, so utterly, so completely, so dependently to her essence and being and blood in one sense, in another…… in the same simultaneous breath and beat of the heart, I remained an outside disconnected force…..a strange, wild, passionate, intermittently erratic, dynamic, uncontrollable, fervent, sovereign element myself. That element also sought coupling with the earth, but in a much different form. And I hoped she would allow this new unknown element to plummet into her atmosphere. Its ripple effect would strike true only if embraced openly…..willingly…..invitingly. “Look at me” was the soft command that I whispered to her essence. And her first glance back into my eyes, which would have routinely been just one of the normal coincidental and controlled glimpses one might deliver or receive during raw mundane sex, morphed instantly instead into a conduit that ignited the heavens. We fused in a flash point….melting and swirling before being rekindled in our union. Then following an old pattern of the damned real world, she closed her eyes…..and I lost her momentarily; she fell thousands and thousands and thousands of miles away before I could dive after her: “Look at me. Come back to me. Be with me. Stay here.” Her eyes opened again and our hands locked and there was no more falling. “Look at me….okay? Stay with me. Don’t look away. Don’t run. Stay here. I love you……….I love you. Do you see it? Can you feel it? I want you to feel me…..I want you to see me. See it. Look at me…. look in me….look into my eyes. Can’t you see how much I love you……how much I want you….how much I need you? Cum for me…..please. Now….I want you to cum…please. Cum for me, but don’t turn away. Look at me…cum…cum..cum…for me….cum for me…..please….please….please…. ”and looking into my eyes, looking so astoundingly in my eyes, she gave it to me……she released herself and she exploded…..fucking exploded into a million fragments of starlight…..and then, I was lost in that mesmerizing…..permeating…..ever expanding flood of radiant warmth and moist ecstasy….so lost that I could not help but pour myself into her being …..an offering….a gift….an honor….a compulsion…..a need….such desire…..such worship…such everything…..everything………..everything……with her………..with…her……everything….all of it…..tasting everything together at the same time with her……existence was fucking and fucking and fucking….existence was involuntary rhythm after rhythm after rhythm….existence was love……love………love……..love shared in every damn way imaginable…..over and over and over again….being separate and then coming together in a conscious effort to overcome the chaotic improbability of unity…..and once achieved to separate once more…completely…physically…spiritually….to the distance of individual isolated existence before choosing again…..choosing over and over and over again to unite together and feast synchronously upon the taste of creation…to bond together in the emerging presence of primordial purity…to transcend our isolation and individual existence over and over and over.                                 

 

 

She wrote in her profile “I love the smell of my guitar” and my heart fell so fucking fast that I lost all of my breath…..and I never got it all back again

.….Iwanttofuckyou…Ineedtotouchyou…Iwanttofeel…..lickyou….feastuponyou….biteyou..worshipyou……… “God you know how to do that (as I tenderly and commandingly tugged on her hair with just the right amount of responsive tension) just the right way…..how do you do that? Then her eyes began to beg.  .pleasefuckmefuckmefuckmybrainsoutIneeditIneedyouto….plea sefuckmefuck.fuckmysoulfuckmybodydoitdoitdoittakeittakeitpleasepleasepleasepleas epleasepleaspleapleplpIIIIIIIIIIIIIwwwwwaaaaaannnntyouu“One open-mike day, you and I are going to play our guitars on that stage and let your daughter sing a song that we wrote together. …………………………………………………………….lovemefuckmetouchmekissme…… grabmegrabmeandfuckitoutofmefuckitintomefuckmeIwantyouIwantyouIwantyouIwantyouIwa ntyouIwantyouIwantyoIwantyIwantIwanIwIppppppppllllllleeeeeeaaaaaasssssseeeeeeeseeee eeemeeeeeseeme………………………………………………………………………………… “Well, I don’t want to marry you.” “It’s been very hard Jeff, very hard.”“You just want to fuck her.” “Don’t tell me how to raise my daughter.” “He’s not your son.” “You are fucking crazy!” “You just want to control me. I am not your employee or client or pet.” “That was just a trick, that book means nothing….it was just a trick.” “You are just cooking too much food….making me fat.” “I don’t have a ring…I don’t have a ring, but you purchased that guitar…didn’t you?” “I wrote this for you…for you…for you…..” “How can you say that?” “Why won’t you listen to me….why?” “They are all lying to you….they are lying and misleading you…they don’t even understand what they are doing…for fuck’s sake…I see you suffering…I see it….I feel it….please listen to me!” “Please stop attacking me…..please stop….I can’t take it……I’m trying…you don’t know how much I hate that………I can’t take it……I am begging you…begging….begging..begging……. begging… I will snap….and come back at you…I don’t want to go there…I’m trying…you don’t know how hard I have to fight….please listen to me….just talk to me….don’t attack me…me?…me?…Can’t you see everything I have done…written..accomplished…who I am? You can’t see me? You can’t seeme?You can’ts?Youcantyoucayoucayoucyouyoy.You don’t even know me…youdon’tevenknowme…I’mlosing you..losingyou…losingyou..losingyou.losingyou..you..you.you.gone.gonegone.empty.gone.sofucking empty…ithurts…ithurts…hurts…hurtssofuckingbad…crying..crying..crying..breaking..lost…alone..hurtsmissyouwherewhereareyouwhywhycantdoesntmakesensecantwanttodiewa nttodiewanttodiestopfeelinglikethislikethisstopitstopitstopit…Iwantittostop..Iwant it to stop. I want it to stop. I want it to stop. Stop.

Tenderly and softly, almost at a whisper, I begged “I want you to cum for me…please…..I need it…I really need it…..I need you to cum…I want you to cum so badly…I want to make you cum…..cum for me…cum for me…..cum on me…take me…..take me as yours…mark me…take it from me…..please…please mark me..take it, please…I want you so bad…..so damn bad…so fucking bad….I want to feel you let go…..please let go…take me…take it…..let it go….give it away….give it to me…please…I want you to cum and cum and cum…..and cum for me and never ever stop. Cum for me…cum for me…..please…please…please let it go.”

 

Cribb     2014

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