For Me or For You – Part 1 (Mature w graphic sexual content sections that are mixed in with a normal story)

Tenderly and softly, almost at a whisper, I begged “I want you to cum for me…please…..I need it…I really need it…..I need you to cum…I want you to cum so badly…I want to make you cum…..cum for me…cum for me…..cum on me…take me…..take me as yours…mark me…take it from me…..please…please mark me..take it, please…I want you so bad…..so damn bad…so fucking bad….I want to feel you let go…..please let go…take me…take it…..let it go….give it away….give it to me…please…I want you to cum and cum and cum…..and cum for me and never ever stop. Cum for me…cum for me…..please…please…please let it go.”

 

 I stood alone with her in the middle of the Cohutta Wilderness area after we had climbed a 1,830 foot mountain slope together to reach our campsite and the adjacent trickling rocky creek and waterfall that also served as the most astounding overlook within the heart of that area. The tent had been placed as levelly as possible in a decent area and we had been walking around collecting firewood for a little while, attempting to outpace the dusk that was slowly creeping down upon the land, when she started screaming. My first thought was to run to her for whatever reason…run hard, fast, true…..get to her….get to her ASAP, but then, after the briefest moment, I realized she wasn’t in danger and she wasn’t just screaming…..she was fucking screaming at me…..she was screaming at me over and over and over, accusing me of wanting to fuck her best friend. Truth lost its hold on her in the middle of that paradise…..it was too slow, too perfect…..too quiet…..too real. Fear and paranoia would not let her rest with contentment and peace. So, after she pushed me far enough, after I dodged and gave whatever effort seemed appropriate at the time to be sensible with her, I lost control myself and returned fire, putting another regrettable nail in our eventual coffin.        

I love you Super Nerd Girl………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

The first time I saw the scars, the hash marks that covered the insides of her arms and her legs, I just wanted to cry for her…and somehow, anyhow, take every ounce of shit and pain and torture she had ever endured and swallow it inside of myself just to get it the fuck away from her. Empathy overwhelmed me so much that my circuits bogged down almost completely…..I couldn’t process such emotion, such ‘why couldn’t I have been there to protect you then?’, ‘such how the fuck, how the fuck could people let you do this to yourself?’ without inconsistencies in my normal posture and speech and thoughts. I don’t really remember that much more about it, but there was some outreach by me…..I think I tried to kiss away all of her scars…over and over…but sooner or later she became embarrassed and she raised her defenses. Instead of allowing herself to see my understanding…instead of seeing how much I was hurting with her…..instead of her perceiving in that moment that I saw her daunting fragility and awareness survive such darkness and pain by a stubborn, though dark, tenacity of incredible self-drive and self-will and self-preservation, she decided to see that I thought she was weaker than me…..she decided that I pitied her…..and then that smoldering dark demon of her survival turned on me. It slept for a while and gained what hate it could along the way and after a few minor battles over a few months, it finally finished me off as it ate my heart.                

……………………….I Queen of the Angry Birds you………………………………………………………………………………………… 

She was lying next to me in my bed and it was so hard not to touch her…so damn hard. A little taste of the sculpture of her abdominal muscles was uncovered by her slightly raised shirt, and her supple and erotic youthful skin, interrupted only by just the tiniest tease of a minute trail of ecstasy; the finest, most delicate blonde hair you could ever imagine, flowed over that sculpture so enticingly that it tempted my every thought…my every fucking word. Her body said yes, but her words had said no, and for whatever damned reason, I honored her words. I told her she could stay as long as she liked…she was safe, but then somehow, I don’t even remember how, it became obvious that her parents didn’t know where she was…..and I couldn’t help myself…my fucking honor and such. So, I pushed the point with her that I thought she should somehow let them know where she was…..because they must care about her and where she was that late at night…..and then she decided to go.

…………………………………………………I banana chocolate chip you……………………………………………………………………

“What do you think about Seth? Or maybe Wyatt?……Seth Cribb…or Wyatt…Cribb…hhhhhmmmmm…I like them both. Maybe a little cowboyish, but that’s actually pretty fucking cool. I even like Isaiah. Can you believe that?…..biblical, but I don’t really give a shit about that, it still sounds pretty badass….and for a girl…well, you already know how much I like Alma…..Alma Cribb…I know it’s weird, but I still like it. Dagny… Dagny is another one…it also has a ring to it that I like…and then even something crazy as hell might sound good…something really unusual like Yoshi….ha ha ha…..Yoshi Cribb…..it makes me smile and think of some super hot Asian chick. I don’t know…we could even do a western name for a girl too…huh? Why not? A little cowgirl? Dakota goes pretty well will Cribb…..Dakota Cribb…she’d be a damn spitfire for sure.   

………………………………………………………………………….I Mount Yonah you………………………………………………………………..

I stood on the side of a mountain in our campsite and wanted everything to be as perfect for her as was possible. My arms were connected to pots, pans, dishes, and a Coleman stove. They disconnected, then reconnected, then went back and forth as was needed to shuffle between cooking green chili cheese grits, bacon, and poached eggs, all at the same time. My eyes and my attention were divided even further as I tried to also nourish our fire that was starving for wood and battling a mountain gale. Here there this that and the other, my consciousness leapt for her…much, much more than any concern for myself…..and meanwhile, she just sat there drinking her warm coffee.      

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..You are my Minnie Mouse……

 

To be continued….

Cribb     2014 

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