1) What is your greatest disappointment or failure?
I would probably have to boil this down most essentially to being unable to effectively help people and animals as much as I would prefer. Animals are much easier to help. They don’t have the mental baggage or hyper-awareness that often disrupts or sabotages or misinterprets my efforts to increase their quality of life. The hardest part of helping animals is trying to work through the frequent misperceptions and/or ignorance of their owners. As far as my efforts to help people, number 2 below must first be overcome with them and that is often a daunting task. Admittedly, it is a very rare person that truly does want to “bring positive energy” to every system, dynamic, or pack and not….not control or parasitize or manipulate that group or person for their own devious desires. I am that rare person and it saddens me greatly that I work so tenaciously…so hard at being that balanced person and yet everyone seems to find it extremely hard to believe in me. I understand. I really do and I am not perfect, but if they would actually compare my efforts, my attempts, my actions, and my accomplishments fairly with the imposters that surround them, the truth would be undeniable. I regret that I cannot pull most people out of the Matrix to see the excessive beauty and peace that exists within simple reality. They think the Matrix gives them peace in its collective delusion, while I see its madness racking most of their souls in perpetual torment.
2) What is the most misunderstood thing about you?
There are two primary personality traits that are inherent components of my soul that I believe are very frequently misinterpreted by most people. First, my passion which runs at super-nova level is often assumed to be anger. Almost always, this is not the case, but sometimes my anger flares in response to having the integrity of my passion and my love of awareness questioned or attacked as a bastardized version of what it most definitely is not. Second, it seems to be often assumed that I want to control damn near everything in my sphere. This is absolutely incorrect. I do enjoy “controlling”, or I would more appropriately title as “leading”, in many arenas because I feel that my awareness, skill and perception excel in those given areas. I actually crave for someone else to sometimes, if not often, take the lead or control in a situation. Dominance seeks dominance. I lead enough. It gets exhausting. To see someone else take control and truly apply themselves to the best of their ability, gives me hope. It lightens my load and burden…it strengthens me and gives me peace. I have no desire to be in a relationship with a person that I even could control at all times…not healthy for me or them. In both cases, I do not like to be rewritten by misperceptions. It obscures the real me.
3) What is your worst character flaw or trait?
Though I have grown exponentially from the neurotic monster I once was as a child, I have still been unable to completely clear an attack response when pushed to extreme defense or when my integrity comes under aggressive attack. I try very, very, very hard to avoid this and I get better with eliminating it entirely from my psyche every damn day. I blame no one except myself, but an objective fact that does make this more challenging for me is that many people suffer from a neurotic cycle (often unconscious to them) which involves an attack/fight/conflict mode in the cycle of their relationships. In some twisted way, this becomes “normal” to their existence, so sometimes their subconscious demon actually drives them to a point of specifically trying to elicit an attack from me. If I falter and do so (attack back), I encourage and reinforce the cycle. If I leave the scene to avoid responding, it is rewritten that I am undependable and that sooner or later I will leave for good. The most challenging part of my self-growth has been to respond to this cycle in an appropriately dominant manner; that means to avoid retreat and counter-attack, while being solid and stable for myself and any other party. Such a response diffuses the situation, stabilizes the relationship(s), and strengthens trust and respect among all.
4) What brings you the most joy and happiness?
A number of things bring me extreme joy and happiness. Perhaps, the numero-uno thing that delivers such an emotion to my soul is being “seen” accurately for whom I truly am; seen for being the rare, genuine, heavy lifting, tough love, super nerd boy warrior poet that is trying with all of his might to make a difference in this world and to especially help those others with hyper-awareness understand their gift.
5) What advice do you consider most imperative for those you might impact upon?
I would beg everyone who reads this to heed these words. I would beg you on my hands and knees right now if it would make any difference in your life by getting you to really listen to me and consider the importance of this little tidbit of advice. I would ask you to always….always be yourself and always….always remain true to yourself. Do not become an imitator. Do not choose to be around or remain in the company of those who do not accept you for who you are. Note, and this is imperative: you have to be careful in respect to this last sentence, because I have begged many a girlfriend to be their radiant independent self who for some reason don’t actually believe my words and instead decide that “I really” want them to be something they are not. This is a devastating insecure response and it will always destroy a relationship, so do not do this. Look at the people that surround you, listen to them, see their actions and the truth of their words and judge these people accurately before you decide what they “really want” before choosing to separate yourself from them, but always, always, always be yourself. Grow, learn, live, but don’t pretend for anyone…no man, no church, no “friend” and no “family”.