The Veterinarian – Love versus Sex 17

Of all the worn, smudged, dog-eared words in our vocabulary, “love” is surely the grubbiest, smelliest, slimiest. Bawled from a million pulpits, lasciviously crooned through hundreds of millions of loudspeakers, it has become an outrage to good taste and decent feeling, an obscenity which one hesitates to pronounce. And yet it has to be pronounced; for after all, Love is the last word.

Knowledge and Understanding
Huxley      1956

Cribb Comment :
 You have to make yourself completely vulnerable to experience true love and the true positive passion of such. Without such a sacrifice, love will always remain an “obscenity”, something that remains a joke, a farce, a con; only a means of manipulation or self delusion.  Without such sacrifice, love will remain a “tool” of the masses that displays how animalistic, how hypocritical, how sinful, how far we will go to avoid spiritual union. In short, it will remain something that can be denied and anyone who uses the word or comes close to displaying behavior that might embody such an emotion can be classified as a dangerous lunatic and immediately discounted as insincere and helplessly foolish. Without such sacrifice, insecurity will continue to rule and progress will be thwarted by some ill-fated defense mechanism that pretends it is better to not believe, to passionately fear the possibility of a true reverent love, to settle with emptiness.

But once you sacrifice, once you truly make yourself completely vulnerable, regardless of the response to or the outcome from your efforts, you open yourself to love of another sort. You open your heart to the last word. You open yourself and make yourself receptive to giving and receiving a love which will never be subjected to the same rules of the herd’s bastardized version. Once you yield, a new world opens and the last word becomes supreme; it becomes existence and an existence that transcends everything else; an existence that you cannot help but want to share with another.

Love may not exist for most, but it does exist for me and for those willing to accept the cost of vulnerability.  It is a thing of legend and it may be very rare, but still it exists and it remains the most beautiful gift of existence; a gift which can be shared between two people.

Cribb      2012

The Veterinarian – Love vs Sex 16

…he calls my name like it’s a litany or a prayer. “Oh, Ana!” his breathing is ragged in my ear, in perfect synergy with mine. “Oh, baby, will I ever get enough of you?” he whispers.

     We sink slowly to the floor, and he wraps his arms around me, imprisoning me. Will it always be like this? So overwhelming, so all-consuming, so bewildering and beguiling. I wanted to talk, but now I’m spent and dazed from his lovemaking and wondering if I will ever get enough of him?

Fifty Shades of Grey
E L James       2011

The Veterinarian – (11) Three Mothers, the Crowd of Me, Me, Me and the Killing of Souls


The first mother died actively by her own hand and no one else’s. She also discussed her fear and her suffering openly with at least one member of her family. She conversed with her father about her exit strategy and about her desire to release those that were connected to her from her own madness; release them, so that they could move forward; so that they might walk their own uninfected path and find their own happiness. It is hard to contemplate someone sticking a shot gun in their mouth and then pulling the trigger, but nonetheless, when it is a grace to end your own suffering and a purpose of avoiding projection of the blame outside of yourself, and a means to prevent others from being infected by your own madness and misery, it could be considered quite noble; very unfortunate, but still, quite noble. So, may she rest in peace and may her father, surrounded by the insanity of the righteous Me, Me, Me’s, know that the important souls of true truth understand what he did and why. May he not fall victim to the Me, Me, Me Crowd himself and may he know how much I value his existence and his efforts to hold the world upside right. It is a sorrowful tale, but one that also offers some hope as it displays the refusal of a tragically flawed and suffering soul to resort to the worst forms of selfishness and delusion.  It is a tale of a tortured soul, who did the best she could and as she did so, she chose to accept the responsibility for her fear and for her choice of how to end that fear. Her name was Jennifer.


The second mother was sexually abused by her own father. I don’t know the facts regarding the actual level of that abuse, but my educated guess is that it was at a high level. This mother, this victim, also eventually gave birth to a little, adorable, freckle faced daughter and at some point over the years of the mother’s guardianship over her own child, she allowed…..allowed her own daughter to become another victim of her father’s abuse. From what I was told, the freckle faced daughter’s abuse was at a lower level, but that is still sexual abuse, and it still defined her grandfather as a demon. Furthermore, that demon was allowed to do his dirty work, perform his sin on a helpless child, a little girl, who had her whole innocent life in front of her, because that child’s mother chose a delusional reality and also chose to be overtly negligent. She made both of these choices of being, just like the Crowd of Me, Me, Me does continuously, because she prioritized her own “supposed” sanity and the plausible pseudo-denial  of her own terrified fear over the quality of existence of her own daughter’s life. And there were certainly other family members as well who also surrounded this little girl that should have protected her; other family members, who were continuously singing and singing and singing, Me, Me, Me, instead of actually contemplating with real concern or caring with devout purpose, about anyone outside of their own damn skin. Our second mother was most definitely a victim of her father and her family’s denial and neglect; a tragic, defenseless victim, who was once innocent herself, but this victim, this soul, yielded any deserved pity and any justification for her confusion and actions the moment she prioritized her own existence over her daughters. Being set upon by demons does not give you the right or the privilege to pass those demons on to another soul and I personally believe that doing so to your own child is especially heinous; creating a life and then infecting it with madness and suffering is beyond demonic and perhaps, beyond forgiveness. It is a deconstruction and reversal of the gifts of creation and awareness. It is simply beyond the neutrality of choosing non-existence or non-creation. It is choosing anti-creation; the anti-creation of another being. To willingly or knowingly perform such an act, should elicit the immediate termination of your own existence. To stand idly by and indirectly allow anti-creation to be inflicted upon another being within the circle of your supposed protection is also highly, highly contemptible, and such a supposed guardian receives only the utmost disdain in my awareness, and I still question the validity of such a beings existence, for I believe that they tip the scales in favor of darkness for all. I never witnessed this second mother ever display or radiate a true state of peace and I always thought it very evident in her words and her actions that she suffered enormously. To my knowledge, she maintained the charades of being happy, of lacking regret, of lacking anger, of loving herself and of having hope, until she finally tricked another demon into smashing her head into an elevator door. If she would have just admitted her own anger, frustration, fear and disappointment in her own father and family; if she would have just accepted the truth of her previous existence and how bad it had hurt her and frightened her, she could have escaped her demon and instead found her angel. She could have protected and properly nurtured the freckle faced life that she created. She never did so and that refusal and chosen denial contaminated her being and psyche, to the point of distorting every other aspect and perception of her reality throughout her existence. This choice, forced her to smoke pot obsessively just in order to function on a daily basis, produced numerous dysfunctional relationships and marriages, and prevented her from nurturing and teaching her daughter about how to properly exist and how to properly love. To her dying day, she would say “my dad was a great man, a great, great man, who was sick, and who suffered from a terrible illness, but I still loved him very much”. And she would say the whole damn quote with a smile upon her face. I believe that if she would have just faced the truth inside of herself, actually digested it raw, she would have said something more like “How the fuck could you? How the fuck could you, you bastard? How could you do that to me, your own daughter? How could you sexually abuse me, you fucking monster…you goddamn monster! And it wasn’t just you…it was the whole family, the whole damn family, MY FAMILY…my damn family who betrayed me, who fucked me up literally and figuratively, you damn, damn bastards…all of you should rot in hell. How could you give birth to me and do this? How could you? How could you live with yourself? How many other children have you betrayed and taken advantage of? You should die…you should all die…you should have never been borne and I would kill you right now if I could! And God…hear me God…if you are there, you are as sick as my family… are a sick, twisted bastard to have allowed this…this shit you call free will…this free will that you bestow for fathers to fuck their innocent daughters. How fucking righteous you are God…how fucking righteous…thanks for the protection. Appreciate it. Fuck you. Fuck all of you. I don’t need any of you. I will do it myself…the right way. I will learn… somehow, anyhow, to find real love…I will find it, despite you all…I will find it and I will learn to love myself and others, because I am different than you, I am worth it, and then, I will pass it along…I will give it to my daughter…I will give her a different life than you gave me…a different existence; an existence full of real love, not your bastardized, hypocritical version. And now, that I have told you what I think of you and what you did, I will walk away from you and your madness forevermore. You will never touch me again, in any matter or memory. I refuse your gift of madness and suffering. I refuse to pass your gift along. I am better than you and I do not need you anymore. Go rot in your hell.” And I truthfully believe that if she had uttered these words and meant them……really, really meant them, accepting and admitting all of the hidden and disguised pain inside, that she would have freed herself from her demons. She would have freed herself and become an instrument of proper creation.

But in the end, like the overwhelming majority of damaged souls, she chose to pretend that she had no pain and that she had no fear. In the short time that I knew her, I saw the few slivers of hope that she had managed to survive upon most of her life, slip away; her physical beauty continuing to age and wrinkle, her daughter and granddaughter slowly, but steadily distancing themselves on their own path, the dwindling of available men who might help her control her anxiety through a proper fucking, who were worthy enough in character to keep around after the deed was done. In essence, all of these factors lead to progressive isolation which forced her to spend more and more time looking into the mirror without distraction. She would not make the choices necessary to tolerate that, so she came up with a plan. Knowing that the asshole she dated was a drunk and physically abusive, made her plan very easy to implement. She knew all along that she could walk away…once, I even told her so in the kind and gentle words of sincere and understanding support, but she did not want to walk away, she had no such desire. So, a mixture of her conscious and unconscious mind melded to concoct an interesting plan. By continuing the relationship with this abusive monster, and continuing to encourage or at least tolerate his drinking, over a period of some time, to document these facts for her family and friends, she made sure to go down in history as the “victim”. So, from the martyrdom of death, she is able to point the finger away from herself and towards the “monster” that killed her, who bashed in her skull. He then becomes the “supreme monster” and this redefines her character, from the failed parent monster and from the failed wife monster and from the failed protector of her freckle faced child monster, to an archetypal victim, deserving of the utmost pity and sympathy and respect. It was almost like coming to Jesus seconds before your deathbed, after you have committed and enjoyed every sin in the book, over and over and over for your entire lifetime. It was truly a masterful plan and it finishes our second wife’s story so nicely forever and ever and ever.

Too bad, I see the loose end that is easily overlooked and ignored by most. Too bad, I see what our second mother does not have to look upon any more; a little freckle-faced child soul who now resides inside of a less freckle-faced adult mother’s body, suffering from fear and confusion and paranoia and delusion, just like her mommy taught her to. And I hope, I so dearly hope, that our fewer freckle faced adult mother will now escape these teachings and their curse. I hope that she will be able to realize all of her self-worth and that it is normal and okay and healthy to admit your fear and your anger and your disappointment. I hope and believe that through such admission, the truth of everything will become very apparent to her, and in that truth, the real true truth, not corrupted by infectious delusions present in some other aspect of her psyche, she will be able to see the astounding beauty present within her own soul and within the light of existence, that always, always outweighs the darkness. If she sees and accepts that astounding beauty within herself, she will finally be able to truly love herself. And once she learns to love herself, she will then be free to share such appropriate love with all others who are deserving of such.

Then, and only then, will she fathom  the difference between the hell that she once contrived for herself and others, out of a selfish and unhealthy desire for unity based upon delusion and fear, and the heaven of existence which she has always been able to attain.

Then, and only then, will her existence right itself, in all of its nurturing glory, around her and those within her orbit.

Then, and only then, may she pass these truths along to her daughter, to her family, and to others, as the graces of proper existence.

Then, and only then, will she become a creature of the light that will never, under any circumstance, return to the darkness.

To be continued…


The Veterinarian – Love vs Sex 15

I lie back on the soft feather-filled pillows. If you were mine. Oh my—what would I do to be his? He’s the only man who has ever set the blood racing through my body. Yet he’s so antagonizing, too; he’s difficult, complicated, and confusing. One minute he rebuffs me, the next he sends me fourteen-thousand-dollar books, then he tracks me like a stalker. And for all that, I have spent the night in his hotel suite, and I feel safe. Protected. He cares enough to come and rescue me from some mistakenly perceived danger. He’s not a dark night at all but a white knight in shining, dazzling armor—a classic romantic hero—Sir Gawain or Sir Lancelot.

Fifty Shades of Grey
E L James       2011

The Veterinarian – Love vs Sex 14

Why do you Love the woman you’re in love with? Because she is. And that, after all, is God’s own definition of himself: I am that I am. The girl is who she is. Some of her isness spills over and impregnates the entire universe.

The Genius and the Goddess
Huxley      1955

The Veterinarian – (10) Three Mothers, the Crowd of Me, Me, Me and the Killing of Souls

For the One or the Trinity: Certainly Neither and Both

Three mothers, all of them dead, live on in his mind, and he has the utmost hope, that they will also do so in his writing. He wonders whether each was mostly a victim or mostly a monster. He understands that this wondering cannot be oversimplified because of the true nature of existence. He wonders about his own damn ego and his own damn motives. Is he just shifting blame and focus onto others to hide his own demons, his own weaknesses and all of the crimes that he knows he himself has committed against creation? Is he really so damn righteous himself, to write about the sins and neurotic catastrophes of others? Who is to say that he isn’t just a paranoid, neurotic fuck himself, perhaps even more delusional than any of the three mothers or anyone else he has labeled as ignorant? Maybe, he just has a God complex and it is all just a show, his own towering wall, only constructed better than most other walls, and fortified more securely than most other fortresses, built to protect an insanely terrified, insecure, little brat, who hides inside, from falling apart and disintegrating into the universe. Maybe, it is supremely complicated and perhaps, it is so….so, very simple; and oddly enough, what he believes to be the most accurate assessment of the matter is that it is both; that they are really the same… is all just the same. Everything is woven together in the fabric of existence and everything is also woven apart. This is the nature of our being and the being of our existence. In a succinct form, he might put it this way; you should dedicate yourself to learn all of the answers, see all of the graces, and be able to define what is light and what is dark; you should hone your awareness to feel the supernova of everything that that awareness makes apparent, and yet, after you do all of these things, you must accept that there is an exception to every rule, that grey also exists between light and dark, that not everything has an answer, and that you have to let go of it all; you simply must accept the ever-present paradox and the insanity and the blissful harmony and the absolute madness and the unity and the separation and how all of it, every single microcosmic or macrocosmic bit, swirls endlessly and continuously, around, about and with one another.

To be continued…


The Veterinarian – An Opinion from Behind the Scenes

The following is a brief synopsis of a college paper that was written for an assignment in an economics class by a student who interned at Veterinary Care Center (VCC). This student was privy to witness and participate in, as desired, genuine discussions, actions, policies, and information that normal clientele are not exposed to. I am specifically referring to the “actual business approach” and the “undocumented policies of revenue generation” that exist in all businesses, but almost always differ dramatically from the proffered “made-up marketing face” of those same businesses.


The student, a person I respect and have come to believe possesses above average intelligence, received an 83 on her paper. I have read the complete 13 page report myself and I do not believe the grade was a fair assessment (objective graded). When the student approached the teacher to inquire as to why she received the grade that she did, the first response from the teacher, her visceral opening response, was “There is nothing wrong with making a profit.”  

Selected Quotes     

1) The only way to be successful as a businessman is to make more money than everyone else (she is stating the overriding, sometimes spoken and sometimes unspoken, perceived notion projected by the majority of businessmen and business owners in our country). While this approach is lucrative, at what cost are these profits made? Not in the manner of physical capital lost, but rather (in) the integrity of the man and his employees? Staff members as well as the customers are replaceable. The owner does not truly care for or get to know the person with whom he is doing this business with, nor does he truly care about the well being of his staff just as long as they complete the allotted work at hand.

2) When these owners come to VCC, then (many) are unable to trust Dr. Cribb and his staff completely because they have been fooled so many times. Therefore, it makes it that much more difficult for VCC to gain customer trust and loyalty. But that is what distinguishes VCC from all of the other clinics in the area: patience. Not that they generate the most revenue, because they do not; not because they lure pet owner’s in with false promises, because their collective conscience as a clinic will not let them do this; but because they actually care about the pets and their owners. They are willing to wait for the customer to open their eyes. But, being a good veterinarian and charging a fair price is not enough in this medical field anymore. Customers perceive that there need to be coupons and incentives to get them through the door. In return, veterinarians believe that the only way customers will venture to them and remain is through these same tactics. It is a vicious cycle that can only be broken through one side seeing the difference.

3) There are many competitors that seemingly offer the same products and services as VCC, but in fact, VCC is a unique clinic.  

4) As Dr. Cribb articulates “Competitor A bastardizes the professional aura into a cold, sterile, corporate, parasitic approach.” Instead of focusing on what the client truly needs, Competitor A’s doctor has tunnel vision focused in on ultimate profit. The value of the customer is only as important as the money he or she is willing to give for what is perceived to be the best and necessary care for the pet. VCC, on the other hand, abides by higher standards of conduct that are directed more towards a small business (i.e. “local farm to table”) atmosphere.

5) In this tactfully “real” approach, VCC maintains far less of a corporate policy: At VCC, the main objective is not to solely maximize profit, but to “obtain a fair profit and revenue stream that is associated with real, true, tangible service” (as summarized by Dr. Cribb)

6) Online pharmaceutical companies (such as PetMeds) are a key proponent in the raising of local veterinary clinic prices. The loss of this (pharmaceutical) revenue must be compensated for by the raising of other prices present within routine veterinary care.

7) At VCC, however, there are two primary determinants of pricing: time and expertise/skill/knowledge.

8) Comparatively to Competitor A, VCC maintains superior services that cost 20-40% less. Furthermore, VCC rejects corporate policies and ensures a strong, caring, connection between doctor and patient/owner. Though Competitor A is of primary importance, there are other surrounding clinics that charge less than VCC. Though how Competitor A acts would seem to primarily affect VCC, these low charging clinics are actually what harm VCC the most. Dr. Cribb appears to be between a rock and a hard place. If he charges too high, as Competitor A does, he embodies precisely the attitude and values he has worked for years to reject. On the other hand, he cannot charge as low as the other clinics, because he will go out of business. Therefore, his only real way to achieve a high status while maintaining his moral ground is to generate a very loyal customer base.

9) Dr. Cribb devotes the entirety of his marketing strategy to getting people to trust him.

10) Before visiting VCC, pet owners could go to an establishment that prides itself on cheaper services. However, the reason that these clinics are usually able to price so low is because they provide a much poorer level of care/service.

11) For Dr. Cribb, this is the ideal loyal customer: “A rational customer who is looking for a mutually beneficial relationship will stay, most likely, for a long, long time. [A person] who is looking for exceptional medicine and honest answers, for a fair exchange.”

12) Dr. Cribb recognizes that his opportunity cost of the potential revenue from the sale made to “coupon customers” is not nearly as important as maintaining a wholesome atmosphere for his employees and loyal clients. According to Dr. Cribb, those types of customers are parasites (to veterinary clinics) just like the corporate business owners tend to be parasites to their customers. An ideal relationship is the business owner who is fair and just and provides a real service for a client who is also fair and just. If either side of this relationship becomes parasitic or deceptive, the system should and eventually will fail. In the words of Dr. Cribb: “Anyway, that is how I like to picture the world.” 

13) The motive becomes: run a business by tricking people or through gaining their respect. Dr. Cribb does the latter, but it is nowhere near as profitable. He believes that there is an added responsibility that comes with having a professional degree in this world. A person must be a leader in the community and be an honorable role model for all employees and customers.

Summarized by Cribb     2013